Unless you’ve been living under a rock you’ll have noticed that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge – familiarly labelled “Kate and Wills” by the press – are on a Royal Tour in Canada, a place that holds “very happy memories from their visit in 2011 – their first overseas tour as a married couple.”
It’s their first Royal Tour as a family of four, as their two children Prince George and Princess Charlotte have joined them.
That the royal family should attract such ludicrous levels of attention is no rarity, but the contrived ‘duties’ that they are obliged to take part in are becoming more and more ridiculous.
Tasks undertaken by William and Kate in Canada vary from the worthy (visiting a centre for pregnant women with substance addiction problems), to the traditional (paying tribute to veterans of Canada’s involvement with the Afghanistan conflict).
But alongside these perfectly understandable commitments there are some plain nonsensical ones like watching a women’s volleyball match (why?) and watching some mountain bikers practice.
Things hit fever pitch on Tuesday when the couple endured eating phallic shaped clams under the watchful eye of the world’s media. Poor Prince William is reported to have commented “presentationally, they are quite challenging”.
When did gobbling unpleasantries become a constitutional or representational duty? When was serving as a focus for national identity and pride usurped by the necessity to undertake embarrassing and unnecessary duties that render the royals figures of ridicule on the world stage?
It is only in recent years that the tasks obliged to the royals are looking less like duties and more like ridiculous stunts. In 2012, on their arrival in Honiara, the couple were plonked in a Toyota minivan that had been transformed into a war canoe ‘chariot’ with the help of bamboo and palm leaves.
On the same tour, they were forced to hula dance for crowds of adoring public.
Last year in Bhutan, William and Kate were compelled to try their hands at archery, again, while the world watched in order to criticise.
Numerous Canadian institutions have released statements expressing excitement at the visit, all of them echoing the same sentiment: that they are “giving” the Duke and Duchess “a chance” to experience Canadian culture, identity and people. Give me a break.
William and Kate, along with all royals, have long-suffered the responsibility of Royal Tours. This trip to Canada marks their fifth overseas trip since their marriage. It’s their second to Canada, but they also went to the Far East in 2012, Australia and New Zealand in 2014 and India and Bhutan 2015. Every trip, without fail, attracts unprecedented media attention and on every trip they have to behave like a pair of performing seals.
Websites are dedicating large sections to “William and Kate in Canada”, providing an anaemic commentary to their every move: Kate’s clothes and hairstyles seem to occupy acres of coverage, Prince George and Princess Charlotte and their appearances or lack thereof similarly command untold amounts of attention.
“Five Pictures that Prove that William and Kate are Still Very Much in Love,” cheered a headline yesterday. “Kate Squats Down to Speak to Prince George” was actually a news story this week. Cue yet more articles on the merits and disadvantages of “active listening”, a 21st century parenting tactic that the Duchess appears to employ when communicating with her first-born.
Isn’t time to stop the contrived photo shoots and silly stunts?
Wills and Kate must hate them, and we can all see through them. Let dignity be restored.