Prepare Yourself for the Trump Administration With an ‘Anti-Oppression Cleanse’

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By Emily Zanotti | 12:48 pm, January 5, 2017

Shailene Woodley swears by the clay cleanse to detox her intestines, Beyonce went with a “master cleanse” of hot water, maple syrup, lemon juice and cayene pepper to get ready for her role in Dreamgirls, and Reese Witherspoon cleanses with baby food (seriously couldn’t make that up). So what should you do to prepare for the new Trump Administration? Why a specially designed process to rid your body of political impurities of course!

It’s the 21-day “complicity cleanse” and the company offering it promises it will clear your body of toxins so that you can more effectively oppose the inevitable wave of oppression.

Unlike other cleanses, though, this one isn’t centered around tasty juices and won’t leave you ten pounds lighter and 100% more mirror selfie-worthy. It’s actually a 21-day self help program, running from January 1st through Trump’s inauguration, with daily activities designed to increase your “wokeness” and help you learn “how to consume less: less of the bullsh**, less products, less jargon, less violence, less ignorance, less of what makes you feel less so you can love more.”

Each day starts with an inspirational quote from a well known thinker (the appetizer), two “transformative” essays to read (your meals), a group of activities to do that day (the side dishes), and a “recipe for long term healing” (the dessert).

On the first day, for instance, there’s a quote by Laverne Cox about how everyone has the capacity to be an oppressor and two articles about saving America from rampant micro-aggressions, misgendering and the destructive masculinity of patriotism.

As “homework,” cleanse participants must follow their representatives on social media, show up at a local city council meeting, familiarize themselves with woke terminology, look up local activist organizations and do a journal entry on an inspirational quote.

By January 3rd, you might have progressed enough to watch a YouTube video on the Patriarchy. By week two, you could even find yourself familiar with “othering,” or gabbing about one of the 50 or so genders.

And lest you thought you might have to self-improve alone, the program encourages you to shout your wokeness on the hashtag, #complicitycleanse. So far, only a single person has found themselves sufficiently changed enough to brag about it on Twitter.

The Complicity Cleanse ends on Inauguration Day and participants are encouraged to attend the “Women’s March on Washington” either at the official Inauguration or at one of the satellite locations in most major cities.

The Cleanse isn’t the first product designed to prepare progressives for the Trumpian onslaught. There’s also a Safety Pin Box, which will, for $30 a month, provide you with ways to be more tolerant, inclusive, and “radically compassionate.” Except towards Donald Trump.