The Republican National Convention in Cleveland is anticipating assorted protests this week as Donald Trump prepares to officially take the Republican nomination. But demonstrators will have to be without a few very important items if they intend to get anywhere close to the Quicken Loans Arena.
The RNC has passed a resolution banning 27 items, some of which make complete sense—no knives, guns prohibited by Ohio law, sound-amplifying equipment or glass bottles. But some of the verboten items seem straight from the RNC’s active imagination.
Ten weird things the RNC says you cannot bring to the “event perimeter” that circles the arena:
1. Nunchucks: Now, obviously nunchucks are dangerous, but the chances of having a ninja (or, for that matter, a Ninja Turtle) invasion of the RNC are pretty slim. Still, they’re banned just in case.
2. Tennis Balls: If you’re going to use your time in Cleveland to prepare for your next Grand Slam match, you’ll have to do it outside the RNC’s perimeter. Maybe it’s good that Serena Williams reportedly turned down an opportunity to speak.
3. Swords: In Cleveland, you can officially open carry outside the perimeter’s boundaries, but you’ll have to leave your swashbuckling gear at home. Sabers, swords, daggers and other sundry blades are strictly prohibited—including Leatherman survival tools.
4. Slingshots: The RNC wanted to be well-prepared in case the Quicken Loans Arena was invaded by characters from a Mark Twain novel.
5. Canned Food: Cleveland may have its share of problems, but it isn’t a Depression Era train depot. You can leave your cans of hobo beans in your bindle at home.
6. Cestuses: Please do not bring your “ancient battle glove” with you. While it’s highly likely there will be controversy on the RNC floor, it’s unlikely to erupt in spontaneous jousting (unless you’re going to the convention in World of Warcraft, or something).
7. Umbrellas with metal tips: The Penguin, while widely understood to be an upstanding citizen of Gotham City, will have to leave his signature item in his car in Cleveland.
8. Grappling Hooks: If you’re planning on scaling to the top of either of Cleveland’s skyscrapers and then making a grand, Spiderman-like entrance into the Public Square, you’ll have to make alternate plans.
9. Water Guns: You can technically open carry your real weapon in some areas of the convention zone, and in designated protest areas (Cleveland police are carefully monitoring individuals with obvious guns for indications of “brandishing,” however) but you can’t bring in your squirt guns, Super Soakers or water cannons.
10: Chris Christie: Okay, so this one isn’t actually banned, but by the look on his face every time he’s photographed in Cleveland, you’d think he’d been tossed out of the joint completely.
