Did you know that Hillary Clinton has a new book out called Stronger Together, co-authored with her running mate Tim Kaine?
You’re not alone. It seems no one in America knew Clinton had released the campaign tome, which “presents their agenda in full, relating stories from the American people and outlining the Clinton/Kaine campaign’s plans on everything from apprenticeships to the Zika virus.”
The book sold just 2,912 copies in its first week — a certifiable publishing flop. And after 221 customer reviews, it has a measly 1.5 star rating on Amazon (that’s three stars less than the Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears that the Internet claims will deep clean your colon so well you’ll have to visit your local urgent care clinic).
Here are a 10 books that come in higher than Stronger Together on the Amazon best sellers list.
1. A Memoir from a former star of The Bachelorette. Former reality star Andi Dorfman has penned an absolute page-turner about how its a terrible idea to find your future husband in a pool of 25 men competing for your affection on a television show.
2. The Pokemon Deluxe Essential Handbook. If you’re one of the few people still playing Pokemon Go, this book is listed as an “absolute must-have.”
3. The Publication Manual of the American Psychiatric Association. In fairness, this is a required textbook for a number of college technical and medical writing courses. But it’s still probably more entertaining than Tim Kaine’s thoughts on trickle-down economics.
4. A coloring book of swear words. It’s supposed to help you “release your anger.” You can find a list of the included profanity in the book’s “product description” (it even includes “twat waffle!”)
5. Crusoe the Celebrity Dachsund’s 2017 calendar. Guys, he’s dressed as a cop on the cover. He even has a tiny doughnut. How could you possibly go wrong?
6. At least three books about how terrible Hillary Clinton is. You can read either about the Clintons’ first term in the White House, about how Donald Trump will make sure they won’t have a second, or about how we’re all probably going to die anyway. Take your pick.
7. The Constitution. America’s founding document has actually been having a great few weeks, with various versions topping both Amazon’s and the New York Times best-seller lists.
8. A practical guide to training your cat. The reviews on this one are impressive, despite the fact that it’s basically impossible to actually train a cat.
9. A cook book written by the authors of a website called “Thug Kitchen.” It promises to teach you to “eat some goddamn vegetables,” and to “cook up some real f*cking food” (Note: we ordered this book immediately).
10. Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. Given her latest poll numbers, perhaps Hillary Clinton should be reading this book, rather than promoting her own.
