STUDY: Donald Trump Won Because He’s Just so Damned Handsome

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By Emily Zanotti | 1:21 pm, April 3, 2017

A researcher in Finland has discovered that Americans often base their political decisions, at least in part, on a candidate’s physical attractiveness—and in the 2016 Presidential election, he says, Donald Trump got a boost from being hot.

According to Jan-Erik Lonnqvist, a professor of social psychology at the University of Helsinki, conservative voters tend to value good looks more than liberal voters, and when it comes to selecting their leaders, Americans weigh someone’s relative hotness alongside their policy outlook.

The study itself doesn’t seem crazy; in fact, it turns out that there are a number of studies that show physically attractive people are considered more trustworthy and capable, and that people who are considered “good-looking” often earn more and are more successful than their less attractive colleagues.

Lonnqvist, though, a professor of psychology and not necessarily political science, extrapolates his findings to conclude that Trump won because “less sophisticated” conservative voters were drawn to the former real estate investors dashing good looks and raw animal magnatism.

“Previous research has also shown that conservative voters have a more concrete, perhaps less sophisticated way of thinking,” he said in a press release for the study.

Lonnqvist, by his own admission, is liberal.

He’s also, apparently, not super familiar with Trump, who Scotch tapes his ties, wears suits two sizes two big, and whose scalp has long been the resting place of what appears to be a sentient, albeit hairy animal.

But, of course, when considering whether a candidate’s attractiveness contributed to his victory, you have to also consider the opposition, Hillarly Clinton, who regularly appeared at events dressed for a casual outing from the retirement home and now sports a haircut that makes her look as if she left her Aussie Three Minute Miracle in for half an afternoon.

And it may just explain why Bernie Sanders, who did not comb his hair once during his entire campaign, fizzled out in the Democratic Presidential primary. In other words, we weren’t picking between Heidi Klum and a shirtless Chris Pratt, here. Everything is relative.

As unlikely as it seems, the conclusion should at least serve to boost Donald Trump’s confidence, though maybe not the confidence of America at large.

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