Star of ‘The Scorpion King’ Could Seriously Be President One Day. Stop Laughing

By Joe Simonson | 1:53 pm, May 10, 2017

Fuck it, why not?

In an interview with GQ, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson said there’s a “real possibility” that he’d run for president one day.

America’s first bald president?

“A year ago, it started coming up more and more,” the ex-professional wrestler said when asked if he would be willing to give up his film career for politics. “There was a real sense of earnestness, which made me go home and think, ‘Let me really rethink my answer and make sure I am giving an answer that is truthful and also respectful.’”

The Fast and Furious franchise star was also asked his thoughts on President Trump’s performance and gave a non-answer perfect for someone potentially interested in running for office.

“Personally, I feel that if I were president, poise would be important. Leadership would be important. Taking responsibility for everybody. [If I didn’t agree with someone] on something, I wouldn’t shut them out. I would actually include them. The first thing we’d do is we’d come and sit down and we’d talk about it. It’s hard to categorize right now how I think he’s doing, other than to tell you how I would operate, what I would like to see.”

So what would “The Rock’s” America looks like?

“I’d like to see a better leadership. I’d like to see a greater leadership. When there’s a disagreement, and you have a large group of people that you’re in a disagreement with—for example, the media—I feel like it informs me that I could be better. We all have issues, and we all gotta work our shit out. And I feel like one of the qualities of a great leader is not shutting people out. I miss that part. Even if we disagree, we’ve got to figure it out. Because otherwise I feel, as an American, all I hear and all I see in the example you’re setting is ‘Now I’m shutting you out. And you can’t come.’ [Disagreement] informs us. The responsibility as president—I [would] take responsibility for everyone. Especially when you disagree with me. If there’s a large number of people disagreeing, there might be something I’m not seeing, so let me see it. Let me understand it.”

Mmm…inspiring.

Oh hell yeah

When pressed about policy specifics, the only thing the star of (criminally underrated) Walking Tall specifically mentioned was President Trump’s so-called Muslim ban. He said he doesn’t “believe in a ‘ban’ that bans immigrants.”

Considering America’s slide into a late-capitalist dystopia, Johnson seems like a logical next step. Sure, there’s no evidence he’d be a competent leader, and his alleged policies are saccharine and vague. But the American people want star power and pizzazz, baby.

That’s the stuff.

Biceps, not budgets, Fast and Furious sequels, not entitlement reform.

Considering Hollywood stars and producers make up the Democratic Party’s base, Johnson would have no problem fundraising.

In terms of connecting with the white working class, Johnson just has to make them reminisce about the days when he was feuding with Steve Austin in the wrestling ring and they still had factory jobs. Black turnout? No problem — Johnson’s half black and looks racially ambiguous enough to play to all sorts of different interest groups.

Scandals? Dude has never been in office and besides, after a Clinton and Trump presidency, Americans have decided that sex scandals are actually good now.

The American Empire’s decline is already predetermined, we might as well have someone with quads the size of Johnson’s pressing down on the gas pedal.

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