Women Cutting Hair, Dumping Boyfriends in ‘Precarious’ New Donald Trump World

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By Emily Zanotti | 4:17 pm, December 6, 2016

Donald Trump is now America’s President-elect, and feminists believe they’ve entered a brave new, Margaret Atwood novella-style world, where women are under daily attack, critical civil rights are being lost, and even sex has stopped being fun.

Therapists, even, now consider Trump-related anxiety a mental illness requiring regular psychotherapy and, in some cases, inpatient treatment.

So it’s no surprise that some women are making drastic life changes to cope, as we near the advent of a Republican administration. According to the Washington Post and New York Magazine, in order to “regain their power” and “take control,” women are chopping off their hair, dumping their boyfriends, and dedicating themselves to a monastic existence, focused on defeating Trump’s negative energy.

In DC, women are making dramatic changes to their coiffure. “I felt like it was the worst thing, politically, that ever happened in my lifetime. It was catastrophic,” one Washington salon customer told The Cut. “Literally without thinking, I grabbed the Natural Black box by Garnier. I was like, f** it! The election deadened my soul. I think I wanted to do something defiant to feel stronger.”

The salon’s owner told media that women were chopping off their locks in droves in late November, apparently in an effort to console themselves over Hillary Clinton’s ballot box loss. “It was like a mass declaration of independence,” she said.

A few of her clients even had very specific requests, mildly insulting to the new First Lady. “Think of Melania Trump and go in the opposite direction,” she says her clients told her. “[They] said, ‘I don’t want to be that person people see as sexual, I want to be seen as strong.’”

One college professor even told her colorist that, “The election results felt like an attack on minorities, women, and marginalized people in general. Having long hair was my attempt to fit into society, so after the election, I felt a need to exert my ‘uniqueness’ and not tie my femininity to the length of my hair.”

Donald Trump’s transition team did not return a request for comment when asked whether they felt the negative Karmic vibrations of so many feminist shears.

In other areas of the country, progressive women are making even more drastic life choices to cope with Trump’s tenure: they’re refusing to find life partners, so that they don’t have to weaken their current relationships, shredding the bonds they’ve already formed, that will hold together their small communities when Trump’s domestic policy finally and inevitably leads to a complete societal breakdown.

Writing in the Washington Post, one deeply troubled Hillary supporter said she could no longer afford to love too many people. “There is no room for dating in this place of grief,” she despaired. “Dating means hope. I’ve lost that hope in seeing the words ‘President-elect Trump.’ ”

She even told the woeful tale of dumping her steady boyfriend after finding out Trump had defeated the woman who was supposed to be the first female President. “I can’t,” she says she told him. “I just can’t.”

In fairness to her, having fewer loved ones would make surviving the inevitable zombie apocalypse just that much easier.