Liberals Give Up on Canada, Pledge to Move to ‘Swing States’

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By Emily Zanotti | 5:02 pm, November 9, 2016

Now that they’re painfully aware of just how difficult it is to actually relocate to Canada — and that’s if the Canadians even want an influx of progressives across their borders — disgruntled liberals have a new plan: infiltrate swing states and push them to the left.

It sounds like a great idea, right? Lower housing costs! Lots of breathing room! Plenty of friendly people just ready and waiting to welcome you to flyover country.

They, like with the Canada plan, have not fully thought this through. For starters, swing states are swing states because they often have a small urban but extensive rural population — meaning that much of that “cheap cost of living” happens outside of major cities.

That would certainly deprive celebrities like Lena Dunham of the “urban experience” — there are very few artisinal coffee bars and handmade cheese shops in rural Ohio (though there might be enough cows for you to be artisianal yourself). Urban Outfitters doesn’t have a lot of stores in Amish country, and having grown up in Michigan, I can tell you it’s tough to navigate back roads in a Penny Farthing.

More importantly, though, this sort of misses the point of why swing states — which had until Tuesday night, been mostly “blue states” — went either red or purple. States like Michigan, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Pennsylvania have suffered tremendously in the economic downturn. Jobs are scarce, and what jobs there are often depended on a single industry; when that industry moves away, towns are left bereft of employment and, for that matter, hope.

If you move to a swing state and take your blue state policies with you, you’re headed into unfamiliar and unfriendly territory, armed with exactly the policies they just voted to reject.

This guy gets it.

That said, a disgruntled blue state voter taking off, bright eyed, for northern Florida would make a hell of a reality show. And, technically, that’s how the President elect came to prominence.