Katy Perry really, really, really wants you to buy her new album, Witness, and she’s going to great lengths to make you, the public, so miserable, you’ll fork over the $20 to iTunes just to get her to stop talking.
In an interview with the New York Times—because what else would the NYT have to write about this week—Perry revealed that it was Donald Trump who helped her achieve the “full sexual awakening” she needed to complete this album, and to complete her transformation from pop princess, to the wokest contemporary troubadour.
Perry, who was raised by extremely conservative, Pentacostal minister parents said the President “triggered” her into dealing with the misogyny she experienced as a child, because, clearly, Trump hates women.
“The reality is that I was retriggered on the election,” Perry said. “I was retriggered by a big male that didn’t see women as equal. And that had been, unfortunately, a common theme in my upbringing.”
“I went to that dark place that I had been avoiding, and I dug out the mold. It was not fun, but I did that—I’m still doing that,” she continued.
As a result, Perry was able to get in touch with her inner womanhood, and screw up her courage in order to bleach her hair blonde and get a nose ring—both stunning, not-at-all cliche trappings of her journey to self-discovery.
Trump would probably consider the whole thing a compliment, and its a win-win because Perry says her experience being triggered by Trump has made her a better pop star, even if her latest album isn’t selling nearly as well as her previous efforts.
“I feel very empowered, extremely liberated, liberated from the conditioning of the way I used to think, spiritually liberated, politically liberated, sexually liberated, liberated from things that don’t serve,” Perry claims.