Kainesplaining: Hillary Clinton’s Veep Interrupts His Way Through Debate

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By Emily Zanotti | 11:50 pm, October 4, 2016

The two Vice Presidential candidate tangled in Farmville, Va., on Tuesday in the only sober moment this Presidential campaign may experience between now and November 8.

Donald Trump’s Vice Presidential candidate Mike Pence came out looking strong, articulated his policies well, quietly dominated control of the discussion, and allowed America to forget, for a brief 90 minutes, that he was running on the same ticket as Donald Trump.

Hillary Clinton’s Vice Presidential candidate Tim Kaine was less impressive, but no less prepared, as it was clear he developed a solid debate strategy with five key elements:

1. Kainesplaining: Did you know that Tim Kaine knows everything? Well, he does. And he will “man-splain” it to you in great detail, often when such an explanation is entirely irrelevant to the question at hand. Want to know about North Korea? Let Tim Kaine “Kainesplain” why institutionalized racism harms law enforcement. If you’re still awake by the end of his answer, you win.

2. Kaineterrupting: Just last week, the Clinton campaign was crying sexism over Donald Trump’s habit of interrupting Hillary. Tonight, Tim Kaine interrupted his opponent no less than 60 times, beating the record for obnoxious, prime-time attention grabs, previously held by Kanye West.

3. Dad Jokes: Either the Clinton campaign hired a 22-year-old unemployed comedian to help Kaine prepare for the debate, or he’s been crowd sourcing his Donald Trump zingers for weeks now.

4. Donald Trump’s Taxes: No matter the question, no matter the topic, Tim Kaine would always come back to Donald Trump’s tax returns, as though several hundred sheets of financial records would somehow solve the world’s most pressing crises. Russian oligarchy? Trump’s taxes. Questions of Catholic theology? Trump’s taxes. Support the troops? You guessed it: Trump’s taxes.

5. The Eyebrow-Driven Expression: Emotions were a rare sight in Tuesday’s Vice Presidential debate, with both candidates scoring approximately three facial expressions between them. Tim Kaine was, if possible, the more effusive of the two, largely because his eyebrows stayed in a permanently “surprised” position, making it look as if Mike Pence’s ever utterance was a complete and utter shock.

This is the one and only time the two Veep choices will face off in this election, though given how much better both of them did than their respective bosses, there’s always a chance a campaign may try a last-minute tag-in, World Wrestling style. Desperate times call for desperate measures, after all.