Guys, Hillary Clinton is okay. It’s super important that you all know that—and the media will try its darndest to make sure that message gets out. She’s just been dealing with a hard breakup: the American people left her for Donald Trump.
Thankfully, New York Magazine dedicated its cover story to covering Clinton’s journey from a one-time presidential loser to a two-time presidential loser. Deep inside the coverage is a key kernel of wisdom: Even if you lose, just pretend you didn’t so people keep giving you money.
When asked about how Trump and Bernie Sanders capitalized on American anger, Clinton responded like a dementia-riddled Civil War veteran: “Yes, and I beat both of them,” she told Rebecca Traister of New York Mag.
Uh huh. I guess when Clinton says things like this we’re just supposed to ignore them like when grandma says something racist at the dinner table. Sure, Clinton won in November, and the maid is stealing money from Nana’s purse.
Clinton’s declaration of victory wasn’t her only odd statement. When she found out that Trump fired FBI director James Comey (the guy she has repeatedly blamed for her loss), she admits that he should “have been disciplined,” but that she’s “worried” he’s just trying to bury “the Russia inquiry.” In other words, Clinton confirms her critics’ most cynical assumptions about Democrats: Comey should have been fired, but it’s important to make a fuss if Trump did it.
Thankfully, Traister fills us in on the real lessons of the last election. No, it wasn’t the that Obama-era economic policies that failed to improve the living conditions of millions of Americans. It wasn’t politicians’ underestimation of populist anger against Washington, D.C., wealthy elites or illegal immigrants. No, Clinton’s loss “reminds us just how much this election tapped into unresolved and still largely unexplored issues around women and power.”
Really, I think the response to this is quite obvious: Sure, we didn’t have some National Conversation on women in politics—because we don’t need one. The only conversation we explored was around the Clintons and power. It’s a shame you didn’t like the outcome.
And if you think Clinton is ready to take any responsibility, hold your breath. Her unfavorables, the FBI investigation, her shady business practices—that’s all just the fault of The Media.
“Look, we have an advocacy press on the right that has done a really good job for the last 25 years,” Clinton told NY Mag. “They have a mission. They use the rights given to them under the First Amendment to advocate a set of policies that are in their interests, their commercial, corporate, religious interests. Because the advocacy media occupies the right, and the center needs to be focused on providing as accurate information as possible. Not both-sides-ism and not false equivalency.”
Only a Clinton would somehow have the gall to argue that the media didn’t work hard enough to stop Trump from getting elected. Sure, there’s a well defined conservative media operation, but then there’s every other outlet which makes its disdain for Trump clear on a daily basis.
When recounting the night of her loss, Clinton campaign manager and wunderturd Robby Mook continued trying to spin the disaster of a campaign he ran.
“I think [Clinton] has never gotten enough credit for how definitive and clear that speech was, what a smooth transfer of power she was facilitating,” says Mook. “It was so close, there were so many allegations, particularly about irregularities, and she never wavered on the idea that she had to definitively concede and make sure there was a smooth transition of power.”
Enough credit for accepting defeat like every single other presidential loser in the history of the country? If that’s applause worthy, I want a trophy for each time I don’t launch my Xbox out the window each time I lose a stupid videogame match to a 12-year-old.
At the end of the day, that quote by Mook was one of the most insightful into the psychology of the Clinton mafia. By the simple virtue of existing, these people think they deserve praise. If you don’t give it to them, you must suffer from some horrendous pathology like sexism. And if you don’t clap like a seal because she didn’t call for a revolution after an embarrassing loss, you’re just more proof that America doesn’t deserve her. Things could be worse.