Hillary Clinton Comes Out of the Woods, Gives Katy Perry an Award

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By Andrew Stiles | 10:50 am, November 30, 2016

Hillary Clinton has been recovering from her humiliating campaign loss to Donald Trump by spending a lot of time in the woods behind her mansion in Chappaqua, New York.

The losing candidate has neither confirmed nor denied that her new “hobby” reflects a more pronounced affiliation with witchcraft and/or other variations of The Dark Arts. A number of “strangers” have “randomly” bumped into Hillary while “hiking” in these mysterious woods.


Other have suggested that Hillary’s post-election spree of “random” selfies is part of a broader strategy to “keep her options open” in case she decides to run for president again in 2020.

Whatever the case may be, Hillary left her wooded sanctuary (for at least a few hours) on Tuesday night to present “woke” pop star Katy Perry with a humanitarian award at the UNICEF Snowflake Ball in Manhattan.

Clinton told the crowd gathered at Cipriani on Wall Street how “delighted” she was to be able to present the Audrey Hepburn Humanitarian Award to Perry, whom she praised as “a global megastar, a social media queen.” The former secretary of state and two-time presidential loser described the personal relationship she developed with Perry on the campaign trail in 2016.

“I’ve gotten to spend time with her and I know how deeply she cares about making our world a better place,” Clinton said of Russell Brand’s former lover. “We need champions like Katy now more than ever.”

According to firsthand accounts from the venue, Clinton’s venture out of the woods to attend the awards gala brought the celebrity songstress to tears. “Hillary Clinton has lit a voice inside of me, and that light will never go out,” Perry said.

It is not yet known if Clinton has returned to woods to plot her vengeance.