Hillary Clinton is Trying Really Hard to Make You Think She’s Okay

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By Emily Zanotti | 5:11 pm, April 11, 2017

Hillary Clinton is enjoying retirement. Really enjoying retirement.

I mean, really enjoying retirement.

Or, at least, that’s what Hillary Clinton wants you to think. Over the past week, since she’s crawled out from the woods near her Chappaqua home to rejoin society, Clinton has been so visible, you almost forget she suffered a major electoral defeat just a few short months ago, and is now forced to watch while her opponent, a real estate mogul turned reality television star turned politician, handles the job she wanted.

Clinton lost the election, we now know, largely because she was unable to convince Rust Belt voters that she was interested in taking their concerns seriously, preferring instead to focus on identity politics. In the wake of her loss, she seems unable to process that voters just simply didn’t like her, has embraced her celebrity side, and doubled down on her claim that she lost because she was a woman.

Just last week, Clinton claimed that sexism among voters was her biggest challenge, and struck hard at President Trump, on the apparent theory that she might have handled foreign policy entanglements better.

She’s hammered away at claims that she couldn’t have won the presidential election because of internalized prejudice, patriarchal tendencies and all-out bigotry, but seems to forget her campaign outspent Trump by more than $300 million, and couldn’t even lock down Florida.

Fortunately for Clinton, though, there are plenty of opportunities to live a fantasy, and plenty of celebrities willing to indulge her self-delusion.

These last two weeks alone, Clinton has been extremely visible, in an effort to prove she’s fine with her new lot in life as a political commentator and feminist icon. She debuted a new haircut that everyone seems to be afraid to tell her looks a little like she sat out in the rain too long.

Not to mention, it’s so cliche to get bangs after you’ve been through a devastating life event. They even call that haircut, “breakup bangs.”

For her first appearance out of the gate, Clinton didn’t choose a subtle-yet-striking number designed to help you understand that she still values looking good even though she’s struggling to get out of bed in the morning. She chose a too-small, wide-lapel leather blazer that made her look like she was recording a stand-up comedy special for network television sometime in the vicinity of 1996.

More recently, Clinton has shown up to red carpet events wearing Katy Perry-designed namesake acrylic heel pumps ($175, if you’re using Hillary as your fashion icon), and has appeared at so many Broadway show openings people are wondering if she’s homeless and lives in the theater.

It’s all…a lot. It’s okay to mourn, Hillary. Its okay to show up to events in nothing but a stained sweatsuit and dry-shampooed hair for a few months. Heck, Amy Schumer has made a career out of it. All the high-profile brunches and suburban shoe shopping expeditions won’t fill the empty hole you have in your heart. You have to do that for yourself.