Donald Trump outraged normal human beings who eat food normally by tweeting a photo of himself eating a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken with a knife and fork aboard a private jet. It was, quite frankly, an affront to humanity.
Great afternoon in Ohio & a great evening in Pennsylvania – departing now. See you tomorrow Virginia! pic.twitter.com/jQTQYBFpdb
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 2, 2016
Eating KFC with a knife and fork is a bit like drinking beer with a straw or climbing a mountain in a tuxedo. Those who engage in this sort of behavior should be rejected by society. Fried chicken grease belongs on the fingers, no matter how large or small they may be.
This isn’t the first time Trump has embarrassed himself by making an unforced food gaffe. He has also committed the egregious sin of eating pizza with a knife and fork in New York City, his alleged hometown.
But wait. It is well-known that Trump eats pizza the wrong way. In fact, he is suspiciously bad…@Olivianuzzi pic.twitter.com/SaXHhqnMSf
— Mr Bones (@mrb_rides_again) July 15, 2016
Trump has also cut advertisements for stuffed crust pizza, which until the invention of Pokemon Go was the single most decadent byproduct of late-stage capitalism. Eating pizza backwards does not make you cool, just like hunting for magic squirrels in a park doesn’t make you Davy Crockett. Shame!
When it comes to steak, Donald Trump’s abnormal proclivities are downright disqualifying. Leaving aside the humiliating failure of his Trump Steaks venture — How does one fail at selling meat to Americans? Who thinks selling meat at Sharper Image would be a good idea? — Trump’s preference for steaks that are so well done they “rock on the plate” boggles the mind and breaks the heart.
That’s almost as bad as using a fork to eat a delicious taco bowl, something Trump also does when he wants to celebrate his love for Hispanics. The bowl is made out of taco! It’s not that hard to figure out, Donald. Gross!
Despite running as an agent of change who “tells it like it is” and “thinks outside the box” and isn’t low-energy like Jeb Bush, the GOP nominee’s taste in ice cream flavors is distressingly mundane. He drinks vanilla milkshakes with Bill O’Reilly. He eats an entire pint of vanilla ice cream during an interview with Hollywood Reporter. In the eyes of the average American, that is borderline pyschotic behavior. Can such a man be trusted with nuclear weapons?
