Why Donald Trump Should Pick Caitlyn Jenner as His Running Mate

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By Andrew Stiles | 2:36 pm, April 24, 2016

Republican frontrunner Donald Trump recently said he would let Caitlyn Jenner use any bathroom she wanted to in Trump Tower. That’s a good start, but Trump should also consider inviting Jenner to be his candidate for vice president.

If Trump wins the GOP nomination, he’ll need a running mate who will give him the best shot at winning the White House in Novembert, an individual who can reinforce his strengths as a candidate and compensate for his weaknesses. That person is Caitlyn Jenner. Here’s why:

Historic candidacy


 America has already had its fair share of old, white, rich, power-obsessed male Ivy League graduates in the White House. While it’s true that Donald Trump would be the first president to have ever uttered the word “schlonged” on national television, a Trump victory would not carry the same historical weight as would the election of Hillary Clinton, who is vying to become the first old, white, rich, power-obsessed female Ivy League graduate to win the presidency.

Enter Caitlyn Jenner, who would be the first trans woman in history to appear on a presidential campaign ticket. What is Hillary gonna say then? She would be the one standing athwart history yelling “Wait your turn!” Actively trying to prevent the election of the first trans woman vice president in history is not a good look for a self-described “progressive.” It would be another example of how, as Jenner has previously argued, Hillary Clinton “couldn’t care less about women.”

Fountain of youth


It’s hard to believe, but Donald Trump is even older than Hillary Clinton (by about 16 months, but still). He’ll turn 70 in June; she’ll be 69 in October. Both are very old. Jenner, who clocks in at the relatively boyish/girlish age of 66, is practically an adolescent by comparison, and would inject some much-needed youthful vigor into a race between two aging Boomers who dye their hair and haven’t driven a car in decades.

Unless Bernie Sanders, 74, is able to muscle his way onto the Democratic ticket, Clinton will most likely pick a younger running mate as well, such as 41-year-old HUD secretary Julián Castro, who will have to change his name to Julián Castrated after Jenner humiliates him in the vice presidential debate. (He should probably drop the accent mark while he’s at it, given that he doesn’t speak Spanish.)

Athletic prowess


Caitlyn (née Bruce) Jenner won the gold medal and set a new world record in the men’s decathlon at the 1976 Olympic Games in Montreal, becoming a national hero and winning the AP Male Athlete of the Year award. Jenner’s considerable athletic prowess would bring valuable strength and stamina to any presidential ticket, but this is especially true when the other half of that ticket is Donald Trump.

Trump played soccer in high school, a low-scoring game that emphasizes one’s ability to fall down theatrically and pretend to be injured. Trump appears to have successfully deployed a version of this strategy—commonly known as “flopping” or “being a little bitch”—during a medical examination to determine his fitness for the Vietnam War draft in 1968. The future Republican frontrunner received a medical deferment for what he has described as a “minor” bone spur ailment in his heels.

It is a widely accepted fact that Donald Trump cheats at golf—probably because he’s not very good.

Size Matters


The 2016 election is all about size, and that’s why Donald Trump is winning. The 6-foot-2-inch billionaire has already muscled the diminutive Rand Paul off of the Republican debate state, and is preparing to do the same to “Little Marco Rubio.” Jeb Bush is actually an inch taller than Trump, but no one noticed due to his lack of energy.

Caitlyn Jenner is also 6-foot-2 (without heels), making her a “sizable” addition to an already formidable ticket that will “tower” over the 5-foot-7-inch Hillary Clinton, just like all the massive towers Trump builds with all his piles of money, which are also very massive.

“Change” candidate


Donald Trump habitually changes his positions on the issues, often in the course of a single day. Caitlyn Jenner is also committed to changing things about herself, such as her name and stuff.

Barack Obama proved in 2008 that telling people what they want to hear can be a very successful political strategy, particularly if you keep telling them that things will “change” if they elect you, regardless of whether or not it’s true. Electing two reality stars who have never held elected office would certainly be a departure from long-held Beltway conventions. That’s real change. That’s why Trump-Jenner is a winning ticket in 2016. 

Trump Jenner