Hillary Clinton was supposed to be the next president of the United States, and it was going to be historic. But she lost, and Donald Trump was elected, big league.
Staffing a Hillary Clinton administration would have been a grifter’s bonanza. Many loyal soldiers in the army of Clinton sycophants had been waiting patiently for sixteen years to be rewarded for their connections. It was supposed to be their turn.
This group includes all the scions — a number of favored sons and daughters whose parents would have pulled all the right strings to get them a resume-building prestige position in the executive branch. They’ll just have to find something else to do with their privileged lives.
Chelsea Clinton / Marc Mezvinsky
Chelsea Clinton was presumably being groomed to play the traditional role of First Lady in her mother’s White House. Bill would have been too busy “traveling.” Now she’ll have to settle for a Congressional run — whatever it takes to restore the Clinton dynasty.
Farrow used to have his own show on MSNBC, but was demoted to a largely ceremonial position similar to the one Chelsea Clinton used to have, in which she was paid $600,000 a year to interview cartoon geckos.
The son of former Hollywood star and liberal activist Mia Farrow and Woody Allen (or maybe Frank Sinatra), Ronan could have joined the ranks of noble wunderkinds “making a difference” in a Clinton administration. Maybe next time.
Ivanka Trump / Jared Kushner
Both are Democrats and legacy Clinton donors. Trump and Kushner could have finagled their way into the White House one way or another even if Hillary had won. The Clintons always look out for the people who give them money.
Chris Hughes / Sean Eldridge
They aren’t really scions, per se, but Facebook founder Chris Hughes (he invented the “poke” button) and his husband, Sean Eldridge, and too rich for their own good and needed something to do with all the time on their hands.
Hughes tried to get into the media business when he bought the New Republic in 2012; he sold it four years later after a disastrous reign as publisher. The power couple has purchased multiple mansions in New York in an effort to get Eldridge elected to Congress. He ran in 2014, losing by 29 points.
The drug company Mylan has received a lot of scrutiny this for hiking the price of Epi-Pens, the auto-injector devices used to treat allergic reactions. It took the media a while to figure out that the company’s CEO, Heather Bresch, is the daughter of Democratic senator Joe Manchin. Hillary knows what it’s like to be unfairly attacked for trying to get rich, so she could have helped Bresch transition to a role in the public sector, at least until the heat died down.
She’s a cousin of Sen. Chuck Schumer, one of the most powerful Democrats in Congress. Hillary is down with “woke” celebs and feminism. It would have been a natural fit, but Schumer will have to stick with comedy for now.
Max Blumenthal is the son of deranged Clinton acolyte Sidney Blumenthal, who would also have been gunning for an influential role in Hillary’s administration, even though he was largely despised by Hillary’s campaign advisers. Max doesn’t like Israel very much, and things got awkward when he made disparaging remarks about the late author and Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel, and Hillary was forced to denounced his “hateful” remarks.
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