Chelsea Clinton continues gracing the American people with her presence. With the media excited to anoint her as a leading figure of #TheResitance, the potential future congresswoman is using social media to show the world that she’s definitely, certainly, not a neo-liberal android hellbent on working in collusion with the Saudis and World Bank on world domination and the enslavement of the unwashed proletariat .
Clearly Chelsea’s internal software was buggy last night, as she decided to share with Twitter a stack of what appears to be Popeye’s bowel movements if it was put through a hydraulic presser and left to burn on a stovetop for five minutes.
Whoever writes her code, presumably Robby Mook, also clearly forgot to include a line for purchasing syrup, butter, or any other pancake staples. Rather than respond to the GOP’s terrible ObamaCare replacement bill, Chelsea has decided to connect with everyday Americans in a much more creative fashion. Some might say “Ew,” others (like very smart and gifted professional pundits) might say “Brave.”
Hillary Clinton, also known as ClintonBeta1.0, might have failed to to visit Wisconsin or Michigan very much during the 2016 campaign, but this latest software update seems to believe the way to win over the white working class is by conspicuously eating things that make large swaths of this country firebomb a Prius dealership. Have faith, the Clinton’s political instincts have never failed before.
My colleague, Will Hicks, has posited an alternative theory on Twitter:
Hicks, a journalist, found the following passage to support his claim:
Whether Chelsea is a lizard person or a diarrhea-eating robot will certainly dominate this Sunday’s talkshows. How will 2020 hopeful Sen. Cory Booker respond?