Mr. Chelsea Clinton (Marc Mezvinsky) made a really bad investment. Eaglevale Partners, the boutique hedge fund he started with the help of Goldman Sachs executives and other mega-rich Clinton donors, recently had to shut down a Greece-focused investment fund that had suffered a 90% loss over the past two years.
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Good thing he’s married to the scion of the closest thing the United States has to a royal family. Mezvinsky is going to be just fine. Even rich people f*ck up every once and a while and lose a bunch of other people’s money.
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Fortunately, if Mr. Chelsea Clinton feels the need to drown his sorrows and escape the confines of his massive Manhattan penthouse for a little rest and relaxation, there’s no shortage of luxurious options.
Fun in the Sun on Turks and Caicos
The happy couple was spotted in January frolicking on the beach with baby Charlotte in Turks and Caicos, which is just a short clandestine boat ride away from some of the most luxurious tax havens in the world. The Clintons reportedly stayed at the ultra-swanky Amanyara hotel, where the budget-conscious travel can enjoy an economy room for as little as $1,500 per night during the low season.
Snorkeling in Sardinia
Mezvinsky might consider another trip to Sardinia, where he and Chelsea vacationed in 2015 with left-wing billionaire pals Barry Diller and Diane von Furstenberg, and went snorkeling just like us! He could even make the short hop to Greece and figure out what’s really going on with the economy there.
Slumming it in Port-au-Prince
Mr. Chelsea Clinton and wife might consider an off-the-beaten-path excursion to Haiti, where the Clinton Foundation helped an Irish billionaire open a luxury hotel. The Marriott Hotel in Port-au-Prince, which opened in February 2015, offers magnificent views of some of the city’s finest, earthquake-ravaged slums.
“Staycation” in Manhattan
Splurging on an expensive foreign venture might not be the best look after losing millions of dollars on a failed foreign venture. Why not enjoy a “staycation” here at home? The couple’s $10 million “luxury fortress” in Manhattan’s trendy Flatiron District spans an entire city block, and presumably has a bountiful array of nooks and crannies in which to hide and weep solemnly to oneself.
Soul Journey to Jackson Hole
Mezvinsky could return to Jackson Hole, where he took a mysterious three-month skiing holiday in 2011, less than a year after marrying Chelsea. Grand Teton National Park is a perfect location for lost souls hoping to “find themselves” and commiserate about the fact that no matter how badly they fail in life, they will never not be disgustingly rich.
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