Bernie Sanders Saved From Animal Rights Protesters

Animal Rights supporters weren’t just angry at the Cincinnati Zoo this weekend. They were angry with Bernie Sanders who, they say, hasn’t taken them seriously.

So on Monday night, as Sanders was giving a speech in Oakland, California, five Animal Rights activists jumped a barrier and rushed the stage, running afoul of the Secret Service.

Thankfully, it’s hard to run in Birkenstocks and the protesters were quickly apprehended (though Bernie is clearly not the candidate to count on for a robust response to an onslaught of hippies).

Media caught up with the protesters after they’d been carried out of the venue, and it turns out they were as crazy as could be expected from a group angry that Sanders is not progressive enough, telling ABC News that “human oppression applies to animals too” and that they support “full personhood” for all animals.

Sanders is the only presidential candidate with a segment of his website actually devoted to human rights, and he opposes factory farming. But he was a target because, according to the Berkeley (of course)-based protesters, “all farms” are factory farms.”

Sanders, for his part, was unfazed, appearing later, in decidedly one-percenter seats, to cheer on the Golden State Warriors in the NBA Conference Finals (tickets cost a non-proletariat friendly $960 each, minimum).

The Warriors easily took game 7 and will move on to the NBA Finals. Sanders is unlikely to complete a similar comeback in California’s primary.