"Could do" – Translation: Nope
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 30, 2016
There are plenty of things America loves about the Brits – Kate Middleton, Downton Abbey, Damian Lewis – and plenty it still doesn’t understand. ‘Having a fag’, for example, means to smoke a cigarette.
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But followers of every Brit’s favorite Twitter account @SoVeryBritish will no longer have this problem. The brilliant account is called ‘Very British Problems’ and it does two things. First, it describes things that are problematic for limeys:
How to seize the day:
1. Make desk quite tidy
2. Buy triple pack sandwich
3. Plan to try new type of cheese
4. Change desktop background— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 5, 2016
Responding to a joke by saying "very good" and then walking away
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 11, 2016
Knowing a conversation has truly died when you both sip your drinks at exactly the same time
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 29, 2016
How to wave back to someone:
1. Raise and wave your hand
2. Realise they weren't waving at you
3. Leave country immediately— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 27, 2016
Being sure to look at every single sandwich before choosing the same one as always
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 25, 2016
Being highly suspicious of anyone who describes their weekend as anything other than "not bad"
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 25, 2016
Knowing a situation has become seriously out of hand when someone says "there's no need for that"
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 24, 2016
Procedure for being unthanked for door holding:
1. Keep eyes fixed on culprit
2. Say you're welcome
3. Shake head
4. Mutter "unbelievable"— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 23, 2016
And second, it translates English into American. So here’s your complete guide to keeping calm and carrying on:
"#NationalTeaDay" – Translation: Every day
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 21, 2016
"Okay, lovely, cheers!" – Translation: I haven't taken in any of your detailed directions but I'm going to drive off anyway
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 18, 2016
"Ooh, go on then, just a quick one" – Translation: Eight drinks, please
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 15, 2016
"Yep, no problem at all, leave it with me" – Translation: I have literally no idea what I'm doing. Ever.
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 12, 2016
"Yeah it was alright actually" – Translation: It was a million times better than I dared to imagine
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 10, 2016
British words for "this has not gone well":
1. Brilliant
2. Marvellous
3. Perfect
4. Great
5. Typical
6. Excellent
7. Obviously— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 7, 2016
Meanings of "we'll see"
1. You're wrong
2. I'm not listening
3. I can't think what else to say
4. No
5. Anyway, moving on…— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 2, 2016
"Anyway I'll let you get off" – Translation: Please go away
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 1, 2016
"I wouldn't worry if I were you" – Translation: I'm not worrying because I'm not you
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) March 31, 2016
"Ooh, you've caught the sun" – Translation: I'll call an ambulance
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) March 25, 2016
"You're entitled to your opinion" – Translation: You're entitled to be wrong
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) March 22, 2016
"They didn't have any" – Translation: I forgot to look
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) March 18, 2016
"I quite fancy a drink tonight actually" – Translation: Let's have all the wine
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) March 17, 2016
"It's up to you" – Translation: Keep suggesting things until you say the thing I'd like to do
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) March 17, 2016
"It didn't quite go according to plan" – Translation: It completely failed in every conceivable way
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) March 14, 2016
"Look just leave it" – Translation: You've ruined everything
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) March 13, 2016
"I might see you down there" – Translation: You've more chance of seeing Batman than you have of seeing me later
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) March 12, 2016
Whispering "oh come on" to your computer, so everyone knows there's a problem that's out of your hands
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) March 10, 2016
"Not bad" – Fine
"Not too bad" – Pretty good
"Not too bad at all" – Best thing ever— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) March 10, 2016
Buy the book here. It’s not too bad at all.
