The Washington Post, already under fire for the Trump Administration for being a “failing” publication, suffered another setback Wednesday afternoon after the newsroom’s pet blue crab, Old Bae, died, tragically, after only five hours.
Old Bae was, prior to becoming a metaphor for the decline and death of print media, one of six blue crabs the WaPo‘s test kitchen purchased for a recipe shoot. Sensing that the lone crab to cheat death by refrigeration was something special, the kitchen offered it to WaPo‘s reporters on the newspaper’s “#leftovers” Slack channel.
“She was the perkiest one of the group, always waving her claws. I took a liking to her and wanted her to be pardoned, like a turkey,” the food editor explained. “She was a survivor. I recognized spirit there.”
Reporters soon became enamored with the crab and, refusing to see it cooked like its compatriots, adopted the crab, named it “Old Bae” (a play on the traditional seafood spice, Old Bay), and recruited a colleague with an empty crab habitat to care for and honor the poor creature.
Unfortunately, the typically astute journalists neglected to consider (or, perhaps, failed to Google) whether a blue crab could survive hours out of its native environment, three separate stints in a refrigerator and an unfamiliar environment. Sadly, Old Bae could not, and quickly (and sadly) passed.
There was a flurry of memorials, including a balloon sculpture (apparently, WaPo reporters many talents include balloon animal art), and a moment of silence offered at Thursday’s editorial meeting, to the apparent confusion of WaPo‘s editor-in-chief.
“Now, I think it’s only appropriate that the newsroom should have a mascot that’s a crab,” he said to the weary, unwashed masses. “Um, but I don’t know what mascot this is, so, I never heard of this mascot. But I think it’s fine if we have a moment of silence, so here we go.”
We at Heat Street offer our sincere condolences—our very thoughts and prayers—on the passing of Old Bae, and we also extend our thanks to the Washington Post for reminding us, in these trying and fractious times, that there are still heartwarming, uplifting, touching stories that make life worth living.
