I recently saw this “article” on Buzzfeed titled, “We need to talk about these penis shaped lipsticks,” about the new trend in penis-shaped lipsticks. As a mother my first reaction was, “Oh hell no,” and I assumed that was the direction the author was heading in as well. In true BuzzFeed form, it turned out to be a playful post. I have no issues with that. It’s BuzzFeed, not CNN.
However, it got me thinking…as the mother of a daughter, there are so many mixed messages sent to us about penises these days. Modern feminism has become such a hodgepodge of beliefs and activism, I can hardly make out anymore how we’re supposed to feel about penises these days.
I mean, do we think they’re obsolete and thus now a joke? We’re reminded over and over again that we don’t need them anymore. Nowadays a woman can get pregnant without a penis anywhere in the room. “I don’t need a man” is a strong sentiment in modern America. Phallic symbols are routinely mocked as antiquated symbols of an oppressive patriarchy.
Are we afraid of penises? People across the country are convinced college students are living in a “campus rape culture.” Men and their members are seen as aggressors. The prevailing attitude is “all men are dangerous, all penises have nefarious intentions.” Black Lives Matter activist Shaun King once famously said Republicans are obsessed with guns because they’re black and shaped like penises and we control them in order to control our fear.
Should we just be ignoring penises? Caitlyn Jenner has a penis and we call him “her.” Chaz Bono added a penis (what might be called one, anyway) and we call her “him.”
Should we be disgusted by penises? People have protested Donald Trump by dressing up as giant penises and also by creating statues of the candidate with a tiny penis. Which brings me to another bit of confusion. Do we hate tiny dicks or big dicks?
Do we love penises and want people to use more of them? Recently a Texas college campus hosted a “cocks not glocks” protest against an open carry law in the state. Are penises dangerous rape machines or a positive alternative to self-defense?
I’m so confused!
Are we encouraging women to put more dicks in their mouths or are we telling them they don’t have to engage in oral sex to be of value? And the lipstick thing—it’s already so phallic. Some historians believe the lipstick trend began thousands of years ago when women added red color to their lips to simulate the look of vaginal lips.
There’s just so much to unpack there.
But wait … maybe we’re supposed to think penises are sexy. The BuzzFeed article suggests the sexy selfie trend might be moving from “duck lips” to “dick lips” (I’m really proud of that one). Is the penis bringing sexy back?
Maybe I’m supposed to tell my daughter that guys like it when chicks puts things that look like dicks in or near their mouths, and that putting on lipstick shaped like a penis will attract more attention.
Or am I supposed to tell her that strong women don’t degrade themselves like that? Maybe I should tell her that strong women don’t treat penises like toys—the way some men treat women. Should I tell her she doesn’t need to act like a thirsty ho in order to be noticed?
Personally, I like penises. They’ve been good to me over the years. I have two children and a strong marriage. So they have value. Do I want to be sending the message to my daughter that penises are for her mouth? Uh…no. Hopefully I won’t need to create a trashy accessory to help her learn that penises are the last thing she should be focused on.
They happen to be attached to men, and some of those men are cruel, ugly creatures who only want a woman for sex. But some of those men are like her dad—kind, supportive and loving. Those are the men she should be looking to as examples, friends and potential partners. Those will be the men who will value her.
I know I began by saying we need to talk about penises, but I think what I’m really saying is we need to be talking self respect instead.