Mindless Minders: Why Celebrity Entourages Like Kim Kardashian’s Suck at Security

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By Tom Teodorczuk | 12:00 am, October 4, 2016
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Fans of Kim Kardashian are furious with her security for not doing more to prevent the armed robbery of their heroine in Paris. According to reports, thieves reportedly stole over $10 million worth of jewelry in the heist, including a $4.5 million wedding ring and social media is asking if Kim really had to be robbed at gunpoint.

Many on social media are taking it out at her bodyguard Pascal Duvier who was busy looking after her sisters Kourtney and Kendall Jenner during a night out at the Arc nightclub in Paris :

But this shouldn’t come out of the blue for Kimmie watchers. Last week Kim Kardashian was ambushed by notorious celeb prankster Vitalii Sediuk – two years after he first encountered her at Paris Fashion Week.

Then there was their former bodyguard Steve Stanulis alleging he had been fired by Kanye West for introducing himself to Kim,  reports that the couple had insisted on her entourage walking behind her in public and the fact that the pair made their entourage travel to their wedding using frequent flyer miles.

It’s not just Kimye who have entourage issues. The ‘help’ for celebrities so often turns out to be a huge hindrance. Unless you’re Mark Wahlberg, who managed to turn the antics of his friendly band of pals into a money-spinning HBO series and movie, the A-list are more likely to have their fate sealed by their staff than be effectively looked after.

Here’s why so many people who work for the stars turn out to be more pitfall and less protector:

Far from improving the lives of celebrities, entourages have been suspected of hastening their deaths:

Rabbi Schmuley Boateach, friend and former spiritual advisor to Michael Jackson, said in 2010, a year after the King of Pop’s death from drug abuse: “I saw an entourage kill Michael Jackson.”

More recently the entourage of Prince, who like Jackson overdosed on prescription drugs, was questioned by police shortly after his death after accusations they had prescribed him too many painkillers.

Even if entourages don’t end up killing their celebrities, they’re still not good news:

Jennifer Lopez hinted her huge phalanx of stylists, make-up artists and assorted hangers-on were significantly responsible for her high-profile break-ups to Ben Affleck and Marc Anthony. She said: “There’s a lot of people in my life and that’s hard. There’s people in the house. There’s hair and makeup. It’s a lot, I think, for someone to deal with… I think they would say that [the entourage] was a big part of their discomfort, if there was any.”

Burly bodyguards and handlers make their physical presence felt in ways that reflect disastrously on the stars, typified by Kim’s half-sister Kylie Jenner’s bodyguards pushing and shoving Jessica Alba at New York Fashion Week a year ago.

Members of Snoop Dogg’s entourage have over the years behaved even more badly than their rapper boss by being arrested for marijuana possession and violence at airports.

R&B star Chris Brown’s entourage were accused of being behind a horrific nightclub shooting in August. In 2012 TMZ reported on a fight between Brown’s entourage and Drake’s entourage though both stars subsequently denied it.

Entourages have to perform stupid tasks for their stars:

Once again Kim Kardashian leads the way here, hiring a personal umbrella holder. Ludacris employed somebody to change batteries for his Gameboy,  Pink enlisted a nipple squeezer prior to concerts and CeeLo Green made underlings wipe the sweat from his brow and put chewing gum into his mouth.

Doesn’t seem there’s ever a dull moment working for Mariah Carey; the diva enlisted a poor, unfortunate soul to hold and lift a drink with a straw to her lips while another co-worker had to keep her long skirts from touching the floor and somebody else had to hand her towels. Not surprisingly the New York Post‘s Page Six column reported that Carey’s entourage was leaving in droves.

Someone I know was specifically hired to prevent the wife of a famous rock star from finding out about their affair with a European supermodel during a long tour; two decades on she works for his foundation.

Entourages give terrible advice to the celebrities:

Stars tend to get shocking advice from the people surrounding them. In addition to singer Kesha having a notoriously unhealthy relationship with her music producer Dr Luke, the star’s mother Pebe Sebert reports she was told by an associate to lose weight at all costs: “She had an advisor who told her he had a meeting with a record company and they said she better lose 15 pounds in the next 30 days. He told her he didn’t care if she shoved her hand down her throat or took illegal drugs, but she had to lose the weight.”

Then there was the time traveling through Los Angeles International airport that Axl Rose’s entourage unhelpfully got out of the way so he could punch an annoying paparazzo in the head. The Guns N’ Roses frontman was ultimately not charged with assault but the incident illustrates how celebrity escorts don’t do their job properly.

Entourages are not good at all for the star’s public image:

Many celebrities reckon a huge entourage will make the media really impressed and in awe of them. Not so. A star’s over-zealous entourage can often get top billing in an interviewer’s article.

Take ITV correspondent Nina Nannar who met fashion legend Karl Lagerfeld in London, only to observe of his groupies: “Karl sashays into the Saatchi Gallery which is staging a Chanel exhibition, with what looks like the entire front row of one of his sold out fashion shows. And they mean business. It’s like the Spanish Inquisition, except they’re from Paris, Chanel’s HQ.”

When Donald Trump’s son Eric Trump did an interview with Portfolio magazine in 2009, an unhelpful lackey kept interjecting: ‘Go On! Be a Trump!’ which was more interesting than anything he said in the piece.

As for the impact of Trump’s entourage on his Presidential campaign, it’s less dysfunctional than the Kimye retinue. But not by all that much…