Goop’s Gift Guides Are Finally Here! It’s a Gwyneth Paltrow Christmas!

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By Louise Mensch | 2:47 pm, December 5, 2016
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Yes, to round off the best year of all time we present you with the sine qua non of presents, the Goop Gift Guide from celebrity Gwyneth Paltrow.

Suitable for every,* purse whether you are Hamptons rich or just plain Hollywood Hills rich, these gifts will be welcomed by old and even older, liberals and dilettantes, and all sides of the political spectrum from Bollinger Bernie Bros to Champagne Castros.

So get your party on, because Heat Street has culled the cutest Christmas must-haves from Gwyneth Paltrow’s holiday home—straight to your holiday home, or homes, if you are really balling.

Stocking Stuffers:

Cheap as chips with everything less than one hundred dollars. Practically free, amirite!

Try the ‘blessedly low tech Jack puzzle’ ‘crafted by a skilled machinist‘ for a trifling ninety-five bucks, leaving you five dollars to toss to a passing servant.

Or, to celebrate how woke your divorce is, you can get a ‘Consciously Uncoupled’ Keyring for $15, or you could if they weren’t all sold out.

Top of the Line:

What up Glastonbury! Make your own backstage with this MUST HAVE eight thousand dollar pop-up festival yurt that puts the ‘what fresh hell is this’ into ‘glamping.’ Oh, that doesn’t go? Oh, our bad.

Or, get this $112 toothpaste because, are you arguing with an Oscar winner? No. That’s what I thought.

Or, since Dennis Hopper has died, you can buy his personal record collection—all of it— for a mere $150,000. And some of that goes to a foundation!

Or, if that is a bit rich for your blood, you can go ‘jobbing’ for one of 3,500 flower vases produced with a Jeff Koons design for only $5000, and we won’t judge you— much.

Best of the Rest

For the Thinker:

The Proust Questionnaire, $50, because we likes to par-tay all up in this beeyatch.

For the Cook: 

The $224 cheese of the month club. Obviously you only get three months for that price (natch)

For the Traveler:

Goop’s own $198 amenity kit, when First Class just isn’t cutting it. Includes Vitamin C sachets and the same Mack’s silicone ear plugs you can buy in your local Duane Reed.

Just remember kids—why have candy canes when you can get an adorable tooth-shaped teddy to remind you why you don’t want them!

Merry Christmas, and don’t forget to make your resort reservations for the New Year’s eve buffet at St. Barts!

*  Not really ‘every’ purse. (Our therapist told us to honor our truth).