In 1974, gaming journalism was established with the founding of Play Meter magazine. In 2014 game journalism was rocked to its core by Gamergate.
But in 2017, game journalism transcended to art in its purest form when Vice contributor Jed Whitaker stuck a Nintendo switch controller up his ass to see if he could play the game 1-2-Switch with his Kegel muscles.
After finding out from a friend that the minigame, Milk, where you milk a virtual cow by squeezing on a Nintendo Joy Con controller, was like jerking off a penis, Whitaker decided to stick it up his butt for some reason.
That gave me the brilliant idea that I’d try to play said mini-game by putting a Joy-Con up my ass. I mean, it can’t be that difficult, right? I do Kegels all day every day (I’m doing them as I type this) and I’ve been told that “my pussy be yankin'” so I’ve got the equipment to do it.
Whitaker took a photo of the controller inside a Magnum condom, strapped to a large plastic fist like the one from Borat. While Whitaker claims he shoved the entire aparatus up his ass, he provides NO further evidence of the deed. He also claims the controller’s bluetooth receptor was blocked by his ass muscles and he wasn’t even able to play the game.
But did he really do it? We at Heat Street believe in the highest standards of ethics in game journalism, and frown upon the use of anonymous sources telling us if someone put something up his ass or not.
Sure, Whitaker’s alleged Amazon wishlist from a year ago certainly shows he’s the type of person to shove a Nintendo controller up his ass.
But this man made upwards of $150 for this article! He could have played an old bait and switch, never shoving a controller up his ass at all, but still running off with the money! How far are the Vice fact checkers willing to go to prove this controller insertion went down and make sure they got their money’s worth out of the economically exploitative contract labor?
Until I get the PROOF, I will remain a truther.