Where did Shaq Learn the Flat Earth Theory?

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By William Hicks | 4:14 pm, March 20, 2017

The extremely woke “flat earth theory” appears to have been passed around the world of entertainment like a case of the clap.

The nation was shocked this weekend when Shaquille O’Neil came out as a flat earther, or someone who believes the earth is a flat plane, not a globe.

“So, listen, I drive from coast to coast, and this shit is flat to me,” Shaq said on his podcast. “I’m just saying. I drive from Florida to California all the time, and it’s flat to me. I do not go up and down at a 360-degree angle, and all that stuff about gravity, have you looked outside Atlanta lately and seen all these buildings?”

But where did Shaq learn this information? How did one of America’s most beloved giants get wise to lies of a heliocentric system?

Here we attempt to trace the lineage of the theory.

 

Kyrie Irving 

Shaq probably got the idea from Cleveland Cavaliers player Kyrie Irving who just last month revealed his flat earth beliefs.

B.o.b

A year before Irving came out of the flat earth closet, rapper B.o.B revealed to the public his own belief in flat earth ideology.

In a series of Tweets B.o.b squashed the skeptics with unassailable logic like, “if the earth’s flat, where’s the curve?” and “can you see the curve with a protractor or nah?”

B.o.b even got in a public fight with hater and loser scientist, Neil Degrasse Tyson, and B.o.b owned him in a rap battle, the best way to settle scientific arguments. Until Tyson comes up with better rhymes, I think we can all logically consider the earth flat.

Tila Tequila 

Tila may be the first prominent celebrity to learn the truth about the flat earth. Just a few weeks before B.o.b went public, Tila scooped the rapper with her own evidence. Unfortunately the tweets were deleted after she got kicked off Twitter for being a Nazi, but fortunately the internet doesn’t forget.

“It’s 2016 & nobodys been able 2 prove 2 me that the earth is round,” Tila wrote last year. “Where is the curvature in the horizon? #FlatEarth prove me wrong dammit!”

Thomas Dolby 

English musician Thomas Dolby is a huge flat earther, even naming one of his albums after the theory.

“It was the late 1990s and I started doing research into what the Flat Earth Society was,” he said in an interview, “I had heard of it and, when I did some more research, I eventually ended up believing its ideas were true.”

George Bernard Shaw

Even before Dolby, Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw, was super woke to the flat earth.

In 1944 Shaw wrote:

We are more gullible and superstitious today than we were in the Middle Ages, and an example of modern credulity is the widespread belief that the Earth is round.  The average man can advance not a single reason for thinking that the Earth is round.  He merely swallows this theory because there is something about it that appeals to the twentieth century mentality.

Ancient Mesopotamians

Skipping a few people along the way, the theory most likely started with these incredibly smart people from the middle east. While the Mesopatiams didn’t have Twitter to spread around the photographic proof of the flat earth, they did have stone tablets where they could draw their proofs. In ancient thought, the earth lay on a flat disc surrounded by water.

Who knew Shaq, B.o.B and Tila Tequila came from such a wise and ancient lineage?

Follow me on Twitter @William__Hicks

 

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