The year was 2005. 42-year old Tom Cruise, a notoriously private celebrity, jumped up and down on Oprah Winfrey’s couch declaring his undying affection for 26 year- old Katie Holmes and asserting, “ I’m in love. I’m in love and it’s one of these things where you want to be cool like, ‘Yeah I like her’… that’s not how I feel.” All well and good. But following this romantic outburst, Tom Cruise would never be ‘cool’ ever again.
Flash forward to summer 2016 when a 35-year-old Tom Hiddleston is frolicking in the Atlantic waters off of Rhode Island with Taylor Swift and her 20-something girl squad sporting a temporary tattoo with her initials and an ‘I Heart T.S’ tank top, pausing only for cuddles in the waves with his young love of three weeks.
All this following a whirlwind global courtship with a professional photographer on hand to document each and every romantic gesture on social media.
Fresh off the success of The Night Manager, and following encouraging murmurs that he was in the running to be the next James Bond, Hiddleston appears to be jumping on his own couch right about now.
It may be unsurprising that his army of British fans are outraged. Hiddleston had taken the UK by storm in the sexed-up spy thriller The Night Manager, causing a near frenzy amongst his newfound legion of admirers after one bottom-revealing love scene in particular.
This buzz lead to talks to take over the Bond franchise – a move he has made no secret of wanting and openly courted in the press.
It begs the question of why this, and why now?
In light of his romantic exuberance, which faintly reeks of a mid-life crisis, it seems likely that Tom has now lost any chance of playing Bond – known for being the ultimate in cool. A big price to pay for a girl he has known for such a short time.
If this was a PR stunt initially – perhaps to gain a bigger profile in the US on his part – it has backfired spectacularly. It’s not like Tom is operating entirely on his own here. He has a team in place- an agent at William Morris Endeavor, a manager and four dedicated publicists who are advising him on his image and his career.
Thus there must be more to it than PR. Because it’s horrific PR. It’s the opposite of effective PR. He will be doing damage control on this for months to come.
It’s far more likely that you’ve got a guy who fell in love with a famous, sexy young singer and is caught up in the lifestyle (he’s already been whisked away on her private jet, visited her Nashville compound and been seen chauffeured around LA by her personal driver).
Just because he received elite schooling in England (Eton and Cambridge University) doesn’t make him any less drawn to the fame and the glamorous celebrity entourage.
But what does Taylor Swift – a spectacularly famous songstress with a much-documented love life – get out of this?
Professionally her fans at least are for the most part delighted by this new development. After all he is a movie star, albeit a fledging one.
Additionally he is a hot commodity right now and even more importantly he seems like a grown up – a far cry from the silly boys she is normally linked to.
Professionally there is no downside for her. Being in love with an older, sexy man and jetting around the world together is far more intriguing than Taylor sitting home writing lyrics whilst crying over her Ben & Jerry’s.
Taylor typically releases an album every two years and we are coming up to the two year anniversary of 1989 leading some fans to wonder if this whole thing is part of some kind of new Beyoncé inspired visual album.
But I tend to disagree with that theory. Unlike Beyonce who keeps her image on lock down, Taylor’s famous for her transparency with fans. She would see a hoax of this kind as a betrayal to the fans and all of her many followers on social media that are rejoicing in her and Tom right now.
Bearing in mind that many of Taylor’s friends are getting engaged and married at the moment, this whole situation smacks of the more personal than professional in terms of motivation on her part– but either way it’s a win win for her and her army of fans. Rather than sit it out and feel sorry for herself, composing bitter break up songs, she’s jumped into something new.
But there is an element that is rather different with her new romance. Previously, by all accounts, she has done all the chasing and she is brutally aware of her public image of being a stage five clinger. This time around it appears that someone is chasing her. Someone who is leaping – literally – into commitment, meeting the parents and moving ahead.
Sources say that Tom was blown away by his new girlfriend at the Met Ball in May and began texting her to get together moment her break up became public. It appears that Taylor’s finally found a guy who likes the limelight as much as she does – and is raring to go on the commitment front.
Is it a stunt? Will she unveil all this as footage for a new music video? That’s a far more likely scenario than a PR exercise. But again, what’s in it for him? To be relegated as a background figure in a 26 year old’s music video?
Would Tom Hiddleston really agree to that? Considering the price he’s paying professionally– and the fact that he’s days away from filming the next Thor movie in Australia- it’s not like that would be the smart move.
It’s far more likely that a 35 year-old man has fallen head over heels for a 26 year-old world famous celebrity with marriage on her mind.
Someone needs to have a quiet word with Tom Hiddleston. It's all a bit embarrassing now.
— Jamie East (@jamieeast) July 4, 2016
But on the bright side- what’s bad for Hiddleston’s career is good news for the Bond franchise. I never thought he possessed the right license for Bond. He lacks the swagger.
You know, the gait that speaks to your complete certainty that women want you (see Idris Elba and Brad Pitt).
To me, Tom always came across as a geeky, gawky Oxbridge grad who’d spent a summer lifting weights and was delighted to discover that girls began to fancy him. He is far too ‘try-hard’ to play the ultimate in male seducer but he may be perfect for the girl who sings about being in the background unnoticed while the cheerleader gets the guy.
A word to the wise, Tom. Unless you want to end up perennially perceived as uncool, you may want to try pumping the breaks a bit.
Ashley Pearson is an American entertainment writer based in London
