With only a teaser trailer to go on, The Emoji Movie already looks like the worst pile of a steaming turd ever to roll out of a hash-smoked Hollywood writers room.
The Internet reaction to the announcement of this crime against humanity has been more uniformly wrathful than even towards Lady Ghostbusters. But that hasn’t stopped Sony Pictures from steamrolling ahead and marketing their obvious disaster waiting to happen.
Another blow to our common sense of decency came with the announcement that the beloved and acclaimed actor Sir Patrick Stewart will be debasing himself to the lowest point in an otherwise honorable career by voicing the Poop emoji. Yeah that one 💩.
He ain’t no 🎉💩! So excited to announce the distinguished @SirPatStew as Poop in the #EmojiMovie – in theaters August 4th! #SonyAnimationDay pic.twitter.com/JTeEhP08qI
— Sony Pictures (@SonyPictures) January 18, 2017
All we know so far about The Emoji Movie is it will be about a bunch of emojis living in a phone. The protagonist, played by TJ Miller, has more than one emotion, making it difficult to serve his function as an emoji. That’s it. That’s the plot. And there will be a smug poop character played by Stewart, who helps TJ Miller along on his quest to do some kind of emoji thing.
The film will be in theaters August 4 unless God, creator of the universe, is indeed a merciful celestial being and smites Earth with a large meteor, destroying all life but sparing it the pain of a worldwide release of a film called The Emoji Movie.
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