I’ll give it to Taylor Swift—she has great taste in men.
It’s just that she has great taste in a lot of men. (The gem that is actor Tom Hiddleston is only the latest; two weeks after her 15-month relationship with DJ Calvin Harris ended.)
And I can see it: Not only does she pick smart, talented, handsome dudes, but she herself is all of those things—if we traded in handsome for beautiful, that is.
She’s the first woman to win video of the year twice at the Grammys. She’s sold more than 40 million albums. In total she’s raked in 10 Grammy’s. She’s got 22 Billboard Music Awards. She’s even earned herself an Emmy. She has a reported net worth of $200 million. And she’s done it (largely) by herself.
By all accounts, she’s modern feminism’s dream: A smart, independent, self-made woman—one who knows it and owns it with a finger snap or two to boot.
And yet, there’s something about Swift’s dating life that seems contrary to the nature of modern feminism. No one should ever point a finger and insist a woman be single to be strong, but the girl doesn’t seem to be alone ever. At all. To an outside observer, the message here could be that “I am woman, hear me roar” is most applicable when there’s a man on the receiving end of it.
I get that she’s a celebrity and these men are most likely running in the circles she is; that’s her life. I also understand that I’m not a celebrity, so I don’t know what it’s like to have my life publicly scrutinized all of the time.
But when you position yourself, as Swift has done, as a model of modern feminism, you have to at least take some ownership for the message you’re putting out there. And yet, she seemingly puts the value of her roar on her men.
A male friend said this merely means that Swift, in addition to all of her aforementioned virtues, is a liberated woman “confident in her sexuality.”
That’s just the thing, though: Our culture today tells us that we are our sexuality—our feelings equal sexuality. Absent them we aren’t whole beings. And modern feminist culture tells us: Date as liberally as you want, women, men have been doing it for millennia! Basically, anything men can do and have done, we can and will do better.
But that kind of thinking undermines real confidence in one’s own sexuality and in being just a woman whose identity is not purely being a girlfriend or a partner or a sexual being. Isn’t that more feminist-y?
Here’s the thing: Feelings, in general, are almost always changing. The other night, I originally felt like having pizza for dinner, and then I felt like Indian food sounded better, and then felt I should be thrifty, and so I wound up going to bed hungry. Those are just every day, within-an-hour, run-of-the-mill feelings … that I don’t consider self-identifying qualities.
But if we took the modern belief that our feelings and desires are our sexuality, and our sexuality is who we fundamentally are, we’re always going to be somewhat disappointed. It’s just that most of us haven’t created a successful career based on those feelings, like:
“We Are Never Getting Back Together,” allegedly about Jake Gyllenhall; “I Knew You Were Trouble,” Harry Styles; “Dear John,” John Mayer; “Begin Again,” Conor Kennedy; “Forever and Always,” Joe Jonas; etc.
One has to wonder if Swift is so (apparently) casual in her relationships because she knows that one way or another they’ll contribute to her art. Which, if true, isn’t fair to the men (and I won’t pretend that some haven’t used her for their own publicity sake) who are dating Taylor Swift for Taylor Swift.
Look, the girl is great. It’s just possible that she doesn’t know she’s it quite as well as the men she surrounds herself with. But, hey, if you’re going to follow her lead, at least have her inspired good taste and start with a Harry Styles.
— Elisha Maldonado writes for the New York Post editorial board.
