(SB Nation) — Welcome to the 2016 NBA Playoffs. We doubt you need help getting hyped up, but juust in case you have a bit of a hangover from Kobe’s big night or the Warriors’ record-breaking season, we’re here for you. We ranked all 241 players on official playoff rosters by the highly scientific measure of INTRIGUE, grouped in super relevant tiers. Enjoy.
241. Aaron Harrison, Hornets
240. Branden Dawson, Clippers
239. Glenn Robinson III, Pacers
238. Josh Huestis, Thunder
237. Tim Hardaway Jr., Hawks
236. Ty Lawson, Pacers
235. Brandan Wright, Grizzlies
234. Chandler Parsons, Mavericks
233. Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, Hornets
232. Mike Conley, Grizzlies
231. Chris Bosh, Heat
230. Marc Gasol, Grizzlies
Gasol is definitely out for the playoffs, and there’s no sign Bosh is ready to come back.
229. Matt Barnes, Grizzlies
228. Joe Young, Pacers
227. John Holland, Celtics
226. Jordan McRae, Cavaliers
225. Lamar Patterson, Hawks
224. Lorenzo Brown, Pistons
223. Pat Connaughton, Blazers
222. Spencer Dinwiddie, Pistons
221. Troy Daniels, Hornets
220. Bryce Cotton, Grizzlies
219. Jarell Martin, Grizzlies
218. Jordan Adams, Grizzlies
217. Jordan Farmar, Grizzlies
216. Xavier Munford, Grizzlies
215. JaMychal Green, Grizzlies
214. Andrew Goudelock, Rockets
213. Brian Roberts, Blazers
212. Charlie Villanueva, Mavericks
211. Chris Kaman, Blazers
210. Darrun Hilliard, Pistons
209. JaVale McGee, Mavericks
208. Jeff Ayres, Clippers
207. Joel Anthony, Pistons
206. Jorge Gutierrez, Hornets
205. Kirk Hinrich, Hawks
204. Kris Humphries, Hawks
203. Nazr Mohammed, Thunder
202. Rakeem Christmas, Pacers
201. Richard Jefferson, Cavaliers
200. Sasha Kaun, Cavaliers
199. Steve Blake, Pistons
198. Cody Zeller, Hornets
197. Spencer Hawes, Hornets
196. Tyler Hansbrough, Hornets
195. Frank Kaminsky, Hornets
194. Josh McRoberts, Heat
193. Mason Plumlee, Blazers
192. Meyers Leonard, Blazers
191. Mike Muscala, Hawks
190. Mitch McGary, Thunder
189. Tyler Zeller, Celtics
These men belong on the Hornets!
188. Terry Rozier, Celtics
187. Andre Roberson, Thunder
186. Gerald Green, Heat
185. Gerald Henderson, Blazers
184. Mike Scott, Hawks
183. James Johnson, Raptors
182. Rodney Stuckey, Pacers
181. Terrence Jones, Rockets
180. Terrence Ross, Raptors
179. Wesley Johnson, Clippers
178. Kyle Singler, Thunder
177. Austin Rivers, Clippers
176. Cole Aldrich, Clippers
175. Jordan Hill, Pacers
174. Lavoy Allen, Pacers
173. Solomon Hill, Pacers
172. Timofey Mozgov, Cavaliers
171. Anthony Morrow, Thunder
170. Briante Weber, Heat
169. Dahntay Jones, Cavaliers
168. Dorell Wright, Heat
These guys all joined their playoff teams this week.
167. Anderson Varejao, Warriors
166. Brandon Rush, Warriors
165. Ian Clark, Warriors
164. James Michael McAdoo, Warriors
163. Kevon Looney, Warriors
162. Leandro Barbosa, Warriors
No offense to the Brazilian Blur or Andy V., but let’s be real.
161. Anthony Tolliver, Pistons
160. Chris Andersen, Grizzlies
159. Courtney Lee, Hornets
158. David Lee, Mavericks
157. James Jones, Cavaliers
156. Jason Terry, Rockets
155. Jason Thompson, Raptors
154. Jodie Meeks, Pistons
153. Joe Johnson, Heat
152. Luc Mbah a Moute, Clippers
151. Luis Scola, Raptors
150. Mo Williams, Cavaliers
149. Randy Foye, Thunder
148. Udonis Haslem, Heat
147. David West, Spurs
146. Al Jefferson, Hornets
145. Amare Stoudemire, Heat
144. Luol Deng, Heat
143. Jamal Crawford, Clippers
142. Amir Johnson, Celtics
141. Jonas Jerebko, Celtics
140. Jonas Valanciunas, Raptors
139. Zaza Pachulia, Mavericks
138. Pablo Prigioni, Clippers
137. Salah Mejri, Mavericks
136. Tiago Splitter, Hawks
135. Jeremy Evans, Mavericks
134. Jeremy Lamb, Hornets
133. Jeremy Lin, Hornets
But really, does there exist an uncool Jeremy?
132. Luis Montero, Blazers
131. Maurice Harkless, Blazers
130. Boris Diaw, Spurs
129. Nicolas Batum, Hornets
128. Tony Parker, Spurs
127. Thabo Sefolosha, Hawks
126. Jonathan Simmons, Spurs
125. Kevin Martin, Spurs
124. Kyle Anderson, Spurs
123. Raymond Felton, Mavericks
122. Deron Williams,Mavericks
121. Devin Harris, Mavericks
120. Nick Collison, Thunder
119. Shayne Whittington, Pacers
Collison is basically an American Australian. And I’m stunned that with that name and beard Whittington is from Michigan and not Brisbane.
118. Aron Baynes, Pistons
117. Matthew Dellavedova, Cavaliers
116. Patty Mills, Spurs
115. Steven Adams, Thunder
114. Matt Bonner, Spurs
Still the NBA’s only New Hampshirite!
113. Andre Miller, Spurs
The doctor is still taking patients.
112. R.J. Hunter, Celtics
111. K.J. McDaniels, Rockets
110. P.J. Hairston, Grizzlies
109. J.R. Smith, Cavaliers
108. J.J. Barea, Mavericks
107. J.J. Redick, Clippers
106. Patrick Beverley, Rockets
105. Tony Allen, Grizzlies
104. Zach Randolph, Grizzlies
If anyone suffers a facial injury in the playoffs, blame these dudes.
103. Bruno Caboclo, Raptors
102. Delon Wright, Raptors
101. Lucas Noguiera, Raptors
100. Norman Powell, Raptors
These dudes will dunk on you, America. Viciously.
99. Walter Tavares, Hawks
You know it’s gonna happen.
98. Dennis Schroder, Hawks
97. Iman Shumpert, Cavaliers
96. Monta Ellis, Pacers
95. Michael Beasley, Rockets
94. Jeff Green, Clippers
93. Josh Smith, Rockets
92. Lance Stephenson, Grizzlies
91. Cory Joseph, Raptors
90. Kelly Olynyk, Celtics
89. C.J. Miles, Pacers
88. Marcus Morris, Pistons
87. Corey Brewer, Rockets
86. George Hill, Pacers
85. Trevor Ariza, Rockets
84. Al-Farouq Aminu, Blazers
83. Kyle Korver, Hawks
82. Marvin Williams, Hornets
81. Enes Kanter, Thunder
80. Ed Davis, Blazers
79. Patrick Patterson, Raptors
78. Danny Green, Spurs
77. Shaun Livingston
76. Andrew Bogut, Warriors
75. Marreese Speights, Warriors
74. Cliff Alexander, Blazers
73. CJ Wilcox, Clippers
72. Noah Vonleh, Blazers
71. James Young, Celtics
70. Jordan Mickey, Celtics
69. Montrezl Harrell, Rockets
68. Tyler Johnson, Heat
67. Reggie Bullock, Pistons
66. Sam Dekker, Rockets
65. Justin Anderson, Mavericks
64. Dwight Powell, Mavericks
63. Clint Capela, Rockets
62. Josh Richardson, Heat
61. Stanley Johnson, Pistons
60. Marcus Smart, Celtics
59. Tobias Harris, Pistons
58. Myles Turner, Pacers
57. Jeff Teague, Hawks
56. Avery Bradley, Celtics
55. Wesley Matthews, Mavericks
54. Goran Dragic, Heat
53. Jae Crowder, Celtics
52. Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, Pistons
51. Reggie Jackson, Pistons
50. Andre Iguodala, Warriors
49. Ian Mahinmi, Pacers
48. Jared Sullinger, Celtics
47. Donatas Motiejunas, Rockets
46. Dwight Howard, Rockets
45. Hassan Whiteside, Heat
There’s obviously a gulf between Mahinmi and Whiteside, and I’m loathe to group a character as fascinating as D-Ho in there, but it is what it is.
44. DeMarre Carroll, Raptors
43. Festus Ezeli, Warriors
They could be vital to their teams’ ultimate success, or they could rack up DNPs due to health. Who knows?
42. Harrison Barnes, Warriors
Harrison Barnes.
41. Bismack Biyombo, Raptors
40. Evan Turner, Celtics
39. Dion Waiters, Thunder
38. Allen Crabbe, Blazers
My favorite non-superstars in the league. Biyombo and Turner are good despite being labeled busts. Dion Waiters is a mini Kobe without, you know, the success. Allen Crabbe is life.
37. Cameron Payne, Thunder
36. Channing Frye, Cavaliers
35. Tristan Thompson, Cavaliers
If the Cavaliers think they are beating the Warriors in the Finals, it is for one of three reasons or some combination thereof: they’ll have Kevin Love and Kyrie Irving this time, the Warriors will be worn down by the West powers and because Tristan Thompson will chase everyone everywhere while Channing Frye drills those corner threes off LeBron passes.
34. C.J. McCollum, Blazers
33. DeAndre Jordan, Clippers
32. DeMar DeRozan, Raptors
31. Isaiah Thomas, Celtics
30. Kyle Lowry, Raptors
29. LaMarcus Aldridge, Spurs
29. Al Horford, Hawks
27. Paul Millsap, Hawks
26. Serge Ibaka, Thunder
These dudes are so fun.
25. Boban Marjanovic, Spurs
Boban.
24. Kent Bazemore, Hawks
Bazemore!
23. Justise Winslow, Heat
22. Kemba Walker, Hornets
21. Andre Drummond, Pistons
I’m taking some liberties with Winslow on this list, but he sure performed well under bright lights at Duke last season. I’m excited.
20. Vince Carter, Grizzlies
19. Manu Ginobili, Spurs
18. Paul Pierce, Clippers
17. Dirk Nowitzki, Mavericks
16. Tim Duncan, Spurs
Think any of them will take 50 field goal attempts in a game this postseason?
15. Dwyane Wade, Heat
14. Kawhi Leonard, Spurs
13. Klay Thompson, Warriors
12. Paul George, Pacers
11. Damian Lillard, Blazers
10. Draymond Green, Warriors
9. Russell Westbrook, Thunder
Yes, please.
8. Chris Paul, Clippers
7. James Harden, Rockets
6. Kyrie Irving, Cavaliers
5. Kevin Love, Cavaliers
4. Blake Griffin, Clippers
This is an important postseason for all of these stars. CP3 still has a really weird albatross about playoff success around his neck. Harden has a horror season despite putting up huge stats; his reputation needs a salve. Irving and Love continue to struggle to live up to LeBron’s very public expectations. And Griffin? Yeah, he needs this to go well after the season he had.
3. LeBron James, Cavaliers
Maybe the East playoffs don’t move the needle in the aggregate, but any time King James is on the court in the playoffs, it sure as hell is worth watching. And the way he’s been playing the last month? Woo boy. Let’s go.
2. Kevin Durant, Thunder
We can’t know whether what happens to Durant and the Thunder over the next one to two months actually matters. Perhaps he’s already decided to stay in OKC one more year to line up his free agency with that of Russell Westbrook; perhaps he’s hitting the open market regardless. But you have to believe that how the Thunder do here will impact the color of Durant’s decision, his feelings heading in. As such, all eyes will be on how he and Westbrook carry the team together.
1. Stephen Curry, Warriors
As he proved all season long, if Stephen Curry is on a basketball court — or hell, near a basketball court — you’d best pay close attention, because absolutely anything can and will happen. Last year represented Curry’s first deep playoff run. There were obvious jitters in the Finals. You think Steph has a single frayed nerve in his body after going 73-9, after shooting 50/40/90, after hitting 400 threes? Nope, nope, nope. Get ready to believe in something not of this world. Again.
This article was written by Tom Ziller from SB Nation and was legally licensed through the NewsCred publisher network.