So, if you’re anything like me, you’ve been waiting for the new season of Orange is the New Black since the Litchfield inmates burst through the prison’s chain link fence and went for an afternoon dip in the prison’s neighboring pond.
But even if the women of Litchfield had no idea that their bucolic adventure would come to an end, we did…right? It did, in “Work That Body For Me” the Season 4 Season premiere.
** SPOILERS AHEAD **
We left Alex Voss (Laura Prepon) trapped in a greenhouse with an assassin sent by her drug lord boss, Piper Chapman (Taylor Schilling) was giving herself an infinity-symbol tattoo in a stairwell after turning her former flame, played by Ruby Rose, in to prison authorities, and close to a hundred new inmates were pulling up to Litchfield’s front door in school buses as workmen busily attached bunk beds.
Fortunately, Alex was given the gift of a Lolly-ex-machina, the sudden and incredibly fortuitous appearance of Lori Petty, who, in a fit of total insanity literally stomps Alex’s would-be murderer (kind of) to death and helps Alex fool her ex-boss into thinking she’s dead on a dirty floor with a couple of creepy text messages. Not knowing what to do with the body, they stash it under a tarp, thinking they can come back for the prison guard later (maybe in the next escape).
Meanwhile, prison guards called in from “down the hill” (the Super-Maximum security facility that neighbors Litchfield’s “camp for female offenders”) have reloaded the soaking wet inmates into the cafeteria after their taste of freedom. There, they come face to face with the 80 new bunk-mates they acquired in the space of one afternoon.
As new hierarchies and allegiances are sorted out (it turns out Dominicans now make up the majority of Litchifeld’s prisoners), Piper tries to solifiy her position as the “big woman on campus.” She’s aided by Flaca, who tells the new inmates to look out for her (as payback for firing Flaca from her panty-soiling scheme), and by a new prisoner, her bunk-mate.
In the mix, we also have “Crazy-Eyes” Suzanne, who manages to avoid returning to the prison after her romp in the lake with love interest, Kukudio. After following Kukudio deep into the woods, she learns that maybe life is better without a girlfriend – at least for now. And then there’s Morello, who spent her free time getting married, but seems to be less the center of attention and more the center of ridicule.
Returning to their secret body-hiding place, Alex and Lolly find that they’ve been discovered, by gardener and inmate Frieda. Fortunately for Alex and Lolly, this isn’t the first time Frieda has had to dispose of a body. Convincing them that it’s easier to bury six one-foot piece than one six-foot piece, she helps Alex and Lolly do the “dirty work,” burying bits and pieces of Alex’s assassin in the prison garden. Hopefully the natural fertilizer works as expected.
We also learn in episode one that Litchfied will be home to Judy King, Orange is the New Black‘s mashup of Martha Stewart and Paula Deen. She gets her own space (she has to share with the resident yogi), and plenty of leeway so that she’ll report back about Litchfield’s for-profit prison fairyland.
But as the inmates struggle with their new reality, newly minted Warden Caputo must handle running his prison on a shoestring budget with one, very serious prison guard, Desi Piscatelli, who’s as warm and cuddly as the prison bars. He wins some favor with his corporate bosses by suggesting hiring veterans to rule over the Litchfield ladies, but he loses favor with the prisoners by refusing to tell them where he’s hiding transgender Sophia, who was thrown into solitary confinement at the end of last season.
We have a lot to cover this season. What’s in that lake water that made everyone itch? Is Piper headed for a shank-on-shank battle for prison supremacy? Will someone please build this place some new showers? We’ll keep you posted while you binge watch.