Happy Ghostbusters Day! Today is the 32nd anniversary of the original Ghostbusters film, and in honor the timeless classic I will tell you all the reasons why the new yet-to-be released reboot will be a stain on the original’s legacy.
Critics of the new all-female Ghostbusters have been called misogynists, MRAs, Trump supporters and “the biggest assholes I’ve ever met,” by director Paul Feig who apparently hates the people he expects to pay money to see his movie.
Using confirmed leaks, Heat Street has been able to piece together a good idea of the dumpster fire Sony is planning to unload in theaters next month.
1. The movie has no connection to the original movies even though the trailer said it did.
Yep, Ghostbusters (2016) or the All Female Ghostbusters, as it is called colloquially, does not exist in the same world as the original. New York City was never attacked by ghosts and no one believes in them.
Instead Feig thought it was a better idea to make a reboot. Just hit all the same notes as the original in a near identical plot, just with women instead. It will be how Star Wars: Force Awakens was basically the same as New Hope except the new Ghostbusters won’t have a Han Solo figure to pass the torch to the new cast. Aykroyd, Murray, and Hudson will be in the film but playing innocuous cameo characters with cheesy lines.
The original trailer made it seem like the two films were connected by beginning with “30 years ago, four scientists saved New York,” confusing everyone and only adding to its avalanche of dislikes.
2. The original cast cameos are really dumb and useless.
All the original Ghostbusters will be in the new movie (except the deceased Harold Ramis, of course), but they won’t even be playing Ghostbusters. A confirmed Reddit leak of the entire plot details their incredibly asinine and entirely wasteful contributions to the movie.
Bill Murray = a Skeptic. His lines arent good and he’s kinda stiff “WHY ARE YOU PRETENDING TO CATCH GHOSTS??!! THATA GIRL!!!” he gets killed when pushed out a window by the rock concert dragon ghost.
Dan Aykroyd = Cab driver who refuses to drive them when NYC is in havoc “I aint ‘fraid of no ghosts” he says in a hard NY accent.
Ernie Hudson = Jone’s uncle who owns a hearse company. When he finds out that they lost the ghostbusters car, Jones wants another one. Hudson says “I got four funerals this weekend. I can’t do it with one hearse. Jone’s says “Cant you do two at a time?” Hudson replies “Im not stackin em like flapjacks!”
Harold Ramis = ROLLING IN HIS GRAVE
3. Bill Murray was almost sued by Sony to force him to do his dumb cameo.
Bill Murray was at first reluctant to hop aboard Feig’s trainwreck. In leaked Sony emails the head of Sony Entertainment discussed “aggressive litigation council” to force Murray to be in the film.
“In order to more fully evaluate our position if Bill Murray again declines to engage on ‘Ghostbusters’, AG requested that we identify ‘aggressive’ litigation counsel with whom we can consult to evaluate our alternatives and strategize,” the email read. “Personally, while I’m fine with aggressive, I think we are in much worse shape if this goes public so seems to me we should look for someone who isn’t seeking the spotlight.”
Whoops. It is unclear why Murray decided to do a dumb cameo in Feig’s dumb movie, but the mistake will no doubt haunt him to his grave, or dare I say as a ghost as well.
4. Marketing for the movie has been limited, meaning Sony’s already cutting their losses.
Sony only started marketing the $154 million film with the release of their first terribly received trailer, just four months before the release of the film. Compare that to the $200 million Batman v. Superman that had an 18 month ad campaign, or even Deadpool, a $58 million movie with highly visible marketing. The Ghostbusters brand is huge, yet the marketing does not reflect it.
A lack of faith by the studio could be the reason for this lackluster advertising effort. For such a high budget movie, the development and screen testing must have been a disaster for Sony to have already given up on it.
5. The CGI looks bad.
With $154 mil, you’d think Sony would be ably to get top of the line CGI. Apparently not.
The ghosts look like something out of Eddie Murphy’s 2003 flop, Haunted Mansion. The replacement to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man looks significantly worse than the man in the suit. And something went horribly wrong with the design of this dumb looking ghost dragon.
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You may be asking yourself why do I have some kind of grudge against the new Ghostbusters movie. Am I a raging misogynist?
No, but it might be because Sony, Feig, and others have been using this sexism debate as a way to sell movies. Progressive culture warriors will buy tickets just to drink in the male tears of the movie’s box office success. And Feig keeps stoking the fire with comments dumping on geek culture and the fans of the original film.
All signs point to a heaping pile of failure for Feig. And the high levels of smugness after the movie bombs won’t be worth the fact that the Ghostbusters franchise will probably be untouchable for at least the next 10 years.
Follow me or call me a misogynist on Twitter @William__Hicks.