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WAR ON CHRISTMAS: Starbucks Ruins Christmas Again, This Time With Green Cups

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By William Hicks | 6:03 pm, November 1, 2016

Remember last Christmas season, the day after Halloween, when we rushed out of our homes furiously constructing our three-tiered, animatronic manger displays, only to find out later that Starbucks ruined it all with their damned red cups?

Now they have the gall to do it again! Starbucks found a way to literally strangle to death my holiday spirit with godless green cups that do not include any mention of baby Jesus, Santa Claus, Frosty or Rudolph. They couldn’t even bother with a shitty Christmas character like Heat Miser.

But that’s not the only way Starbucks is crushing Christmas. The giant coffee chain is calling this year’s monstrosity the “unity” cup. Unity? Like communism. That would make more sense last year with the red cup, but this cup is green.

Hmm, what else is unified…. ISIS!!?! The unified caliphate of the Islamic State!

Even the cup looks like the flag of the Arab League, no doubt a soon-to-be addition to ISIS.

Has Starbucks even publicly denounced “radical islamic terrorism?” I didn’t think so.

Whatever the reason for this year’s heinous displays, the pinko hippies in Seattle need to go back to their stupid fish markets and leave Christmas to the real Americans.

Follow me on Twitter @William__Hicks

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