Based on emoji use alone, the peach was, heretofore, the fruit most closely aligned with the female anatomy. But a writer for Lena Dunham’s Lenny Letter contends that it’s actually the pineapple that is the world’s wokest, most feminist fruit.
Indeed, the pineapple is having a fashion moment. The historical symbol of wealth—and later, in the American colonies, of welcome— is appearing on everything from thousand-dollar formal gowns (this D&G number will set you back $3K on sale) to the sale rack at Forever 21.
But that’s not all the pineapple is capable of. Now that it’s everywhere, feminists are looking to adopt it as a symbol to represent “the times we live in now.”
And the pineapple, it turns out, might be the perfect fruit, largely because it’s maintained its neutrality through years of rabidly vacillating wokeness, says Lenny Letter author Laia Garcia. And it’s being “re-appropriated” as a design element begun under Stella McCartiney, a powerful female designer.
The pineapple, Garcia claims, also has never been called racist, or sexist, or misogynist, unlike the banana, which had its own moment in the early 2000s, but was quickly dismissed by feminists, who deemed it too phallic. Since it’s home grown, the pineapple has never been accused of cultural appropriation. It doesn’t have negative connotations like the cherry, which appears in tattoos and in rockabilly culture.
Best of all, the pineapple is the perfect metaphor for the woke lady—or at least the woke ladyparts.
“You can playfully joke that a pineapple is a vag, but it isn’t a friendly vag!” says Garcia. “There are spikes to get around, cutting into them takes a bit of practice, and if you don’t know how to eat them right, the rind will fuck up the corner of your mouth.”
I am woman, hear me roar! the pineapple exclaims in this age of Donald Trump!
There are problems with this metaphor, of course, that might throw a wrench into feminist plans. The pineapple is notoriously sour, unless it’s picked fresh off the plant. It may have once been expensive and rare, but it’s now heavily commercialized, and, like feminism, its most accessible versions are watered down and packed in sugary syrup.
Pineapple production is also problematic, responsible for everything from deforestation to climate change worldwide. Historically, domestic pineapple farms employed indentured labor. The fruit’s very existence is a scourge on the less fortunate of humanity, and loving the pineapple comes at the expense of the underprivileged, the oppressed and probably women of color.
The peach, at least, is pink.