Anguished by Trump, Liberals Find Solace in Mermaids

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By Emily Zanotti | 5:00 am, November 23, 2016

Canada doesn’t want America’s disgruntled Hillary Clinton voters. Other countries don’t provide enough First World niceties to satisfy Americans used to a comfortable lifestyle. And Lena Dunham has already ruined most of the American West.

So now, progressives who are less than satisfied with the state of affairs are escaping into the imaginary realm, diving “under the sea” for solace, to a world of mermaids, mer-men, and other non-gender-specific quasi-human mer-creatures.

According to Slate, interest in “mermaid merchandise” has suddenly skyrocketed, the result, they say, of the country’s political situation which grows darker by the day.” Fed up with life on land, among the intolerant human race, special snowflakes are snapping up knitted mermaid tails and mermaid-themed accessories in order to “transform” the world around them into a deep-sea paradise.

To complete the look, you can grab everything from “Mermaid Hair Shine Spray” ($28, Urban Outfitters), to “mermaid pajamas” ($15, Forever 21), to high-end mermaid holiday apparel ($398, JCrew). There’s even a Survival Guide for Landlocked Mermaids, for those who haven’t come across a sea witch willing to broker a trade for their tails back.

Slate frets, of course, that the trend to withdraw from daily life into the depths of a mer-kingdom may be unhealthy, especially at a time when mer-people are so desperately needed to fight off the Donald Trump administration.

“Mermaids are sexy,” they claim, but you shouldn’t be spending your time luring sailors to their deaths with your hypnotizing voice — and living under oppressive, Patriarchal “ocean monarchies” — when you could be spending your time fighting for social justice on solid ground.