Hey Look, Rachel Maddow Needs a New Senior Producer for Her Show

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By William Hicks | 11:18 am, May 27, 2017
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Rachel Maddow’s insufferable hour of smugness, also known as a primetime cable show, is hiring for a new “senior producer”.

Not just any mere producer, mind you. A senior producer.

The ad on LinkedIn says you, yes you, could work for a show that “looks past the distractions of political theater and stunts and focuses on the legislative proposals and policies that shape American life.” Because we all know Maddow is completely above shameless political theater. That embarrassing Trump tax return half hour was the high water mark for modern journalism and certainly not a stunt.

Who could fill this incredibly lofty and esteemed position as Rachel Maddow’s acolyte, who “must be ‘on call’ 24 hours a day / 7 days a week” and must eat, sleep and breathe Rachel Maddow.

So who’s on deck ? We’re hearing there’s already a list of finalists duking it out for this berth in the Ivory Tower:

 

Linda Sarsour

Women’s march organizer, pro-terrorist Linda Sarsour would be a perfect choice for Maddow lacky. She’s tough, she speaks her mind and she’s not afraid to let regressive political correctness get in the way of actual progress.

Although Sarsour once said two women’s “vaginas should be taken away” for disagreeing with her politically, her unparalleled wokeness cannot be questioned.

Chelsea Clinton

Well, uh, Chelsea Clinton doesn’t exactly do anything or have any skills, but wouldn’t she be such a great hire! You get to have Chelsea in the newsroom, hanging back with all her stately glory. After all, her first stint at NBC News, when she was paid $600,000 a year to interview a lizard, didn’t go far enough to ingratiate Comcast with the Clintons.

And wouldn’t this be such a good launch for her political career?

 

Somebody from HBO’s The Newsroom

I don’t know who exactly, but they’d all be great, except Jeff Daniels. He is too much the embodiment of Maddow’s mentor, crazy Keith Olbermann, to possibly work under her.

Assumably, the Rachel Maddow Show behind-the-scenes already operates like an Aaron Sorkin script. Rachel is probably just owning everyone she meets with her daring debate skills and impenetrable logic. I’m sure any Republican, after facing her wrath for over ten minutes, bows their head in shame and timidly hands her their NRA membership cards.

And she’s probably always telling those hovering (probably white male) MSNBC execs not to get in the way between her and the news.

 

Any male Jezebel writer

Yep, there’s a few men who write for Gawker Gizmodo Media’s feminist blog. Despite writing a number of articles a day, these heroes get coffee and self-flagellate themselves on a daily basis for their inherent misogyny. They even were brave enough to stay at work while and pump out quality two hundred word articles about why they and everyone sharing their chromosomal conformation should get vasectomies.

These low T men would be perfect “yes ma’ams” under Rachel’s strict, but fair governance. They could even show her a thing or two about the true meaning of liberal guilt.

Andy Lack

It’s time for the bombastically egotistical chairman of NBC News and MSNBC to learn who’s really boss. After various, bafflingly stupid botched attempts to pull MSNBC to the right, the failed thespian should submit himself to Maddow’s tutelage of truth.

What’s more, the Maddow show of all places can’t be seen to discriminate on the basis of age, race, gender sexual orientation, etc. At 70, elderly Andy would be a “diversity hire”.

And anyway, Andy’s going to need a job when his $20-plus million dollar Megyn Kelly hire reveals itself to be the ratings fiasco everybody else in the entire TV business knows it to be.

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