Gwyneth Paltrow has launched a new lingerie shop on her bizarre and overpriced website Goop, and she’s now urging women to set a match to their old undies.
Don’t worry, it’s not pyromania—it’s a “empowering lingerie manifesto and bra-burning cleansing ritual,” Goop proclaims.
It also notes that February will end in a full moon. Who knew that the lunar calendar is a wealth of information about the best time to douse your knickers in lighter fluid?
In support of this bra-burning binge, the website features an article from a “life advisor and relationship expert” with “extraordinary tuition,” Suzannah Galland.
A bad breakup can leave you with lingerie covered in “the toxic residue of those relationships,” Galland claims. But “a fire ritual can help release memories of past lovers,” especially if they occur around the full moon, she claims.
Circumspectly, Galland recommends readers “find a safe place where you can light a fire.” She also says it’s best to burn undies one piece at a time, then “watch intently as the pieces burn. Know that your past is recycling into the ethers, liberating your future.”
It’s ridiculous advice—but what can you expect from a celebrity who recommended women stick jade eggs into their vaginas, speaking with all the gravitas a kid sticking a marbles up his nose.
