The Israeli government voted to decriminalize marijuana nationwide Sunday, further solidifying its position as the most chill country in the Middle East.
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who is officially no longer a narc, said the following, “On the one hand we are opening ourselves up to the future. On the other hand, we understand the dangers and will try to balance the two.”
We’re happy that Israel has decided to stop locking people up for tossing the devil’s salad, but its neighbors still have a long way to go if they want to make a modern-day Zion in the region.
Here are some places in the Middle East where sparking up could mean a really bad trip:
United Arab Emirates
According to WeBeHigh.org, the “Worldwide Cannabis Travel Guide,” there is “zero tolerance” for getting high in this Arab kingdom. A BBC story describes how British tourist Keith Brown was dealt four years by a Dubai court for having .003g of nug in his shoe.
Although rarely used, the country does have capital punishment as a possible sentence for drug possession.
Harsh, dude!
Iran
Have you ever heard Iranian supreme leader Ruhollah Khomeini give a speech? That funny looking guy gives off some harsh vibes. The Islamic republic executes hundreds of drug dealers every year, but it looks like government officials are trading some of Mohammad’s wisdom for pages from the Rastafari playbook and allowing marijuana use throughout the country.
Rehab facilities, you may known them as buzzkill camps, have opened up throughout the country. Back in June of 2016, directors of clinics had seen the number of patients quadruple over the last few years. A New York Times report talks about a marijuana smoker named “Mohammad Dog-Balls” who would smoke marijuana with “Kiarash the cross-dresesr.” Wild.
Maybe President Donald Trump could share a few bong rips with Iranian officials on the UN floor and convince these dudes to trade in their nuclear program for a hydroponic program.
Saudi Arabia
Another country where embarking on an astral journey could result in death, you don’t want to be caught with a case of the munchies in Saudi Arabia.
In February of 2016, the kingdom of squids executed two Yemeni nationals for bringing in some hash. These stoner martyrs likely got their heads chopped off, which would be super cool if it didn’t mean you would have to die.
Global Ganja Report (I consider it the Drudge Report of the marijuana community), reported a man getting 10 years in prison and 1,200 lashes for possession of 130 pounds (party!) in early January of this year.
Syria
Man, what’s in the stuff they’re smoking over there? Despite a gnarly civil war, it doesn’t look like Bashar al-Assad has laid off ruining everybody’s fun. In 1993, Syria passed a law authorizing “harsh punishment—including capital punishment—for those convicted of narcotics manufacturing, trafficking, or sales.”
Oh and if you didn’t need another reason to hate those ISIS jerks? Here’s a report of them burning a Syrian marijuana field.
All of this news is bumming me out. Who needs to travel, anyway? I’m just gonna get high and flip on some “Cosmos” with Carl Sagan or Neil Degrasse Tyson. While you guys go get sunburned in the desert, I’m gonna be exploring space.