Barbie’s New Douchey Hiptster Ken Dolls Are Why Children Shouldn’t Be Given Toys

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By William Hicks | 4:52 pm, June 20, 2017
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Between the subliminal political messaging of Disney and the overt sexualizing done by Nickelodeon, we can be abundantly sure the next generation of children will grow up to be poorly adjusted freaks.

Most of these “children” companies just want to watch the world burn, like Mattel, which just released a new, woke line of “Fashionista” Barbies with different body types to promote body positivity, or something.


But the most abhorrent part of the new lineup are the hipster douchebags they designed to replace Ken, complete with man buns and jean shorts.



While man buns has ceased to be a fad, Ken seems to be trying to bring it back into the zeitgeist, combining the look with customizable metrosexual patterned tops.

Mattel even went so far as to design a Rachel Maddow Ken doll which, sort of like a Furby, will screech into the night about Russia until you destroy its battery with a baseball bat.

Studies show that children who play with this toy have an increased chance of using old timey typewriters and bottling their own artisanal pickles by the time they reached adulthood.

While I do not have children, or a wife, or a girlfriend… once the time comes to rear a child, I will certainly not buy them any toys for fear of infecting them with cultural marxism. Companies these days do not value the sanctity of childhood, so neither will I.

At age 5 they will be given a hammer and nails to help around the house, then at age seven they will receive a gun to help around the yard. That’s it!

Play time is over folks. Blame Mattel.

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